The engine is broke, there's a big black cloud of smoke
Since ya cannot change the laws of physics
Said time and again, I cannot do warp ten
But they still made me try it, those idiots

We were going quite fast, with the Klingons on our ass
All the Enterprise fellas were nervous
I dislike those creeps much as anybody
And I know that they wanted to hurt us

We'd be fine if Kirk hadn't been such a jerk
And flirted with that ship's captain's mistress
And at that frightful lass, I'd never make a pass
No matter how much whisky I'd finished

Since we can't move more, lots of Klingons are on board
Poised to slit human throats for their honor
And Spock did some math up in his head fast
And made the conclusion we were goners

They said they'd make wine from our captain's own blood
From that thought my stomach was ailing
Then Spock rid the ship using Vulcan Death Grip
Of the Klingons who had been assailing

I had survived so then I fixed the warp drive
After mourning a red-shirted ensign
He was twenty-two and nobody knew
The kid's name cause it just wasn't mentioned

With supper I filled
Myself up and took the pill which
Helps us never need the restrooms
And before I knew, it was ten fifty two
It was time to go sleep in my bedroom

And when I awoke, some big star was much too close
It was all on my shoulders to help us
When I'm stressed this much then I munch on my donuts
On the trek of the Enterprise fellas

Now William Tell's son had about this much fun
When his father was shooting the apple
I think most of us are not real religious
Although Kirk is sometimes in a Chapel

But throughout the day even Mr. Spock prayed
While I worked to build up the power
Some turned to McCoy and that made him quite annoyed
He said "I'm a doctor, not a preacher"

Saved from our death a lot of us left
For a nearby world using transporters
Thanks to the fact I am such a great guy
The transporters worked like they oughta

And we met a race down in that place
Who loved to do nothing but quibble
And their arguments served to get on everyone's nerves
Yes those guys were more trouble than tribbles

Now I wonder what's next, it is anyone's guess
Will we meet with some Romulan zealots?
We'll be okay no matter what comes our way
I have faith in the Enterprise fellas

The engine is fine, at least for the present time
Mr. Sulu's made a course for Vulcan
In about a week, I bet things will get bleak
Maybe rogues will try to bash our hull in