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Song Parodies -> "The Check From Your Hedge Fund's Imperiled (bonus content)"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Check From Your Hedge Fund's Imperiled (bonus content)"

Parody Written by:

John Dacey

The Lyrics

It gives me no joy to find myself bowing to peer pressure that the original version of this submission was too short for a work like the Eddie Fitz. I suppose that’s better than being told that the less seen of your work the better. Also, it was good to have a distraction from the disappointing vote in the senate today. So here's more. If you don't like it, remember you brought this on yourselves.
The Check From Your Hedge Fund's Imperiled

Some legends are gone from Wall Street on down
To the trading floors of the exchanges
Short selling in stocks put them all on the rocks
When the redditors messed with price ranges.
Brokers shorted GameStop causing value to flop
'Til their plan by day traders upended
Who bought up the stock to the hedge funders shock
When redeemed shares cost more than intended.

Though knowing fuck-all about puts and calls
And most struggled when spelling 'debentures'
They bought up those shares thoroughly unawares
What results from their fiscal adventures.
On the stockbrokers’ side, they cried “woe betide
Those robinhood guys who’d do us ill.
Let’s shut down that app so they cut out this crap
Their tech can’t be let to run feral.”

When the story first broke it was kind of a joke
And the RobinHood gang were thought heroes
Institutions were chumps while apps pumped and dumped
‘Til account statements only read zeroes.
But after a bit cold reality hit
And new share holders found that they can't sell
Rememb’ring GameStop’s just a chain of lame shops
What the heck? - By their own selves were they felled!

Shakespeare couldn’t write an ending more right
Than the fate that befell all that scheming.
Their greed had condemned them all in the end
To bear losses past anyone’s dreaming.
Brokers took a bath on their short trading math
And the prices most day traders paid had swelled
Where only a few made as much as a sou
And the dreck pretty much didn’t fare well.

So fortunes were lost like those ships that are tossed
And sink without any surviving
It didn’t seem fair to the stockbrokers there,
They’re the ones who are known for conniving.
But at least on that day, little guys had their say
Besting Goldman and Vanguard and Merrill
GameStop’s margin call put a squeeze on them all
So your check from these hedge fund‘s imperiled.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 2.8
How Funny: 2.8
Overall Rating: 2.8

Total Votes: 24

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   13
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   11

User Comments

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Peter Andersson - February 15, 2021 - Report this comment
Good parody but unnecessary quip at the senate - does it take a European to see the obvious missing "where were all the warnings from all the journalists?". For several days not a single journo warned the World that Trump had told his minions to storm the senate, surely they would have if he had, it's not like his evil intentions have ever been understated before - but then AFTER the storming happened somehow thousands of journos and politicans could all hear it listening back.
CML - February 15, 2021 - Report this comment
So now you've done the "Big Fitz", as it has never once been previously called. Thats no small feat; its one of the Big Seven. Be Proud. Only about 40 other people have done an acceptable parody ... in the 20 years this site has been around
John Dacey - February 16, 2021 - Report this comment
@Peter: Sincere thanks for your comment on my lyrics. Regarding the political portion of your note, I cannot of course know what news coverage was provided in your home country. I assure you however that there was ample notice taken by our mainstream press each time one of those nutjob militant gangs (Oathbreakers, Proud Bungleroos, various cosplay commando militiae et al) would RSVP "YES!" to trump's invitation to come to D.C. to usurp the recently duly elected government of the United States.
John Dacey - February 16, 2021 - Report this comment
@CML: Thank you.
Phil Alexander - February 17, 2021 - Report this comment
Now, this was worth the extra work - some lovely lines & quips in there, more witty and overall much better than the first draft :-)

On the vote: ya gotta love Mitch, haven't you? "Oh, Trump is guilty as sin, but I'm going to ignore the Senate and every constitutional scholar saying that we do have the power to impeach, and cast off all responsibility in the hope that a criminal prosecution will do the job I'm too scared to take on"
Patrick - February 18, 2021 - Report this comment
The comments have been more about the intro than the parody itself. Your verse has explained what was to me a rather confusing story. The big manipulators apparently got stung, which pleases a lot of viewers. But, as you note, the guys who ran the price up found themselves with a product they could not sell. Game Stop, which I think is a company operating on an outdated business model, never got a dime from any of the traders and speculators. How exactly is this different from say, wagering on the outcome of a horse race or the reels of a slot machine? I wonder if CML counts me among the 40 authors who have written acceptable WOTEF parodies.
John Dacey - February 18, 2021 - Report this comment
@Patrick: Thank you. I'm glad you found it instructive; my original version was only a couple of stanzas long because I thought the subject of stock trading was likely to be found inherently unfunny. I guess a little extra snark about how *all* the participants got their deservedly unsavory desserts is always welcome.
John Dacey - February 18, 2021 - Report this comment
@Phil: Regarding McConnell and his craven ilk, the less I consider him the better. I'm pleased to know that you liked the extra content. I readily admit that my prior thoughts on the matter was not that my original submission was too short but that Lightfoot's song was too bleeding long. I've changed my mind though and now believe that there should be not just twotef, but three and fourtefs as well. 24/7. Expect in the future an homage to the classic mystery writers and their characters - - with the working title of 𝙒𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙍𝙚𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝘿𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙊𝙣𝙚, 𝙄𝙩'𝙨 𝘽𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙡.
Patrick - February 19, 2021 - Report this comment
I once did a smoosh of WOTEF with "I Put A Spell On You". The late, great Tommy Turtle once noted that WOTEF is long, but the structure is regular. It is a challenge, but there are a lot shiftier songs to work with. I personally have great trouble with what I call "high speed" songs such as "We Didn't Start The Fire" or "One WeeK". "Major General" falls into that category. Only did that one once. Looking forward to your next TWOTEF.
Phil Alexander - February 19, 2021 - Report this comment
A title sub I do find a little tempting to write would be something like "The rectum of dead mom risks Gerald" ;-)
John Dacey - February 19, 2021 - Report this comment
@Phil: sounds a little kinky to me, but as I get older I try to remain open to the things that appeals to you youngsters. Write it!
John Dacey - February 19, 2021 - Report this comment
@Patrick - I agree that the regular cadence of the Eddie Fitz makes it relatively easy to mimic. I think if you can write a limerick, you'll have no issue with its structure. To me, the hard part is the length - I don't have enough to say about most topics to fill a complete twotef. I submit to you that Lightfoot didn't either - when your song lyrics drift into documenting the disruption of meal schedules aboard ship you know you're in trouble. Some might quip that his song lasted longer than the doomed voyage did. In fact, the whole saga could have been writ in a single quatrain (internal rhymes for lines 1 and 3 included): So sailors take note: even this famous boat / With its crew brave and true and undaunted / Should not leave the docks with its hold filled with rocks / And expect that they'd get where they wanted

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