The Check From Your Hedge Fund's Imperiled

Some legends are gone from Wall Street on down
To the trading floors of the exchanges
Short selling in stocks put them all on the rocks
When the redditors messed with price ranges.
Brokers shorted GameStop causing value to flop
'Til their plan by day traders upended
Who bought up the stock to the hedge funders shock
When redeemed shares cost more than intended.

Though knowing fuck-all about puts and calls
And most struggled when spelling 'debentures'
They bought up those shares thoroughly unawares
What results from their fiscal adventures.
On the stockbrokers’ side, they cried “woe betide
Those robinhood guys who’d do us ill.
Let’s shut down that app so they cut out this crap
Their tech can’t be let to run feral.”

When the story first broke it was kind of a joke
And the RobinHood gang were thought heroes
Institutions were chumps while apps pumped and dumped
‘Til account statements only read zeroes.
But after a bit cold reality hit
And new share holders found that they can't sell
Rememb’ring GameStop’s just a chain of lame shops
What the heck? - By their own selves were they felled!

Shakespeare couldn’t write an ending more right
Than the fate that befell all that scheming.
Their greed had condemned them all in the end
To bear losses past anyone’s dreaming.
Brokers took a bath on their short trading math
And the prices most day traders paid had swelled
Where only a few made as much as a sou
And the dreck pretty much didn’t fare well.

So fortunes were lost like those ships that are tossed
And sink without any surviving
It didn’t seem fair to the stockbrokers there,
They’re the ones who are known for conniving.
But at least on that day, little guys had their say
Besting Goldman and Vanguard and Merrill
GameStop’s margin call put a squeeze on them all
So your check from these hedge fund‘s imperiled.
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