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Song Parodies -> "With Respect to My Dead Monkfish, Harold"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"With Respect to My Dead Monkfish, Harold"

Parody Written by:

Bob Gomez

The Lyrics

Felt lonely and bored, but the local pet store
Featured thousands of rats and canaries--
I checked out a few, sniffed a rabbit or two
And the fighting fish looked kind of scary.

There were hamsters galore, twenty-six turtles or more
It was getting on after four-thirty--
The buck-toothed teen girl who was sweeping said, "Thir,
There'th a fish over here'th awful purty."

She took me aside, her teeth glimmered with pride,
Saying, "This one'th a 'lophiuth gathtrophythuth.'"
I was taken aback, it was bloated and black,
With squashed head and short tail, I was not impressed.

The ugliest maw that a man ever saw,
Pointy chompers that might gnash your fingers--
The look in his eyes had me half-terrified,
But I couldn't decide, so I lingered.

I'm a curious type fellow, and asked, "How the hell
Can you sell such a gaping monstrosity?"
Of course the girl knew, she had more than a clue,
And replied with a slew of verbosity:

"Thith Atlantic fish maykth a fine taythty dish,
Tho you might hear it called poor man'th lobthter."
As she sprayed her spiel, that fat monkfish appeal
Approached that of a B-movie mobster.

When closing time came, I said, what's fishie's name?
She said, "We like to call him Old Harold."
With that I was sold, and pulled out my billfold
And I slapped down my forty-three fifty.

I loaded him up, bought a tankful of stuff,
Filters, gravel and tubes, plastic bubblers--
At nearly two feet, he looked pretty damn sweet
Smiling broadly next to my beer tumblers.

I'd take him on walks, had our man-to-fish talks,
He enjoyed the occasional trifle.
We soon became friends, and again and again
His advice proved acute and insightful.

I kept his tank clean, we were living the dream,
With only the finest saltwater.
Unfortunately, I had business to see to
And had to call up my friend's daughter.

"Feed once a day, here's his shrimp on a tray,
If he seems out of sorts, turn on Oprah.
I'll be gone for a week, have to give a short speech
At a high school in north South Dakota."

When I returned home, my Harold had grown
So large he was bursting his dwelling!
And fish-sitter Heidi was nowhere in sight
But her rotting flesh soon I was smelling!

He had taken her arm, caused a good deal of harm,
I reluctantly paid her prosthetics.
He couldn't survive such a trauma, besides,
He had feelings, and morals, and ethics.

He took his last breath, with the eye-rolls of death
He expired, my black fish in a barrel.
When Heidi comes by, there's a tear in her eye,
With respect to my dead monkfish, Harold.
©Bob "Not a Fan of that Colin O'Farrell" Gomez 2019

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

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Jonathan Spurlock - May 02, 2019 - Report this comment
I hear Lightfoot. aye, with a tear in his eye, describing what he was a-singin', And please, give a tale about Heidi as well, just what about Harold she's a thinkin'! For a work of this size, you deserve a real prize, on this most folks are a-greein', From this Lightfoot fan, have to say you're the man, and from me three 5's you'll be seein'!
Bob Gomez - May 02, 2019 - Report this comment
Many thanks for the 5's, I'm in bed with the hives after eating my Harold's old shrimpies. But I'm doing okay, got an email today from young Heidi (I call her Ms. Gimpy). They had to work fast--a Herculean task--her left forearm and kneecap were severed. But the greatest of all was the surgeon on call when he sewed her head onto her shoulders.
2Eagle - May 02, 2019 - Report this comment
Funny parody to a depressing song.
CML - May 03, 2019 - Report this comment
Can I give Spurlock three fives for his comment? But seriously, ladies and Gordons, this has to be one of the best parodies to appear in a LONG TIME. Anybody that's new here these past couple of years should really study this one
Jonathan Spurlock - May 03, 2019 - Report this comment
CML. thank you for the compliment. Credit of course goes to Bob Gomez who took the time to develop his parody. You're right, it is one of the best I've seen here in a good while. Don't forget aEagle's comment, too--"Fitzgerald" is a very depressing song but the melody, rhythm, etc., does lend itself to seed for good parodies. , Many current and former contributors have a lot of talent, and it's refreshing to see some FUNNY stuff, again, on this site!
Bob Gomez - May 03, 2019 - Report this comment
Finally got out of bed. But with Harold now dead, I've got Heidi to warm my heart's cockles. It feels rather exotic, her arm is robotic, she reaches down there where it tickles. With her mighty left hand, she can open a can, with attachments like doughhook and grinder. It's got GPS, when I need a lovefest, that thing makes it so easy to find her.
CML - May 03, 2019 - Report this comment
From 2010 -- a wingnut team effort about the 2010 elections with me applying the coup d' grace ……… The talk in the town on from the Hancock on down was the blowout they called Dem Debacle … Chicago, it's said, always tallies its dead, yet the bloodbath it still was colossal
Bob Gomez - May 04, 2019 - Report this comment
Self-promotion aside, I'm so pleased you applied your intelligence to that great battle. But in 2018, a tsunami was seen and Pelosi regained her old gavel. As we anticipate further news and debate, Trump is tweeting his hate of subpoenas. With Dems calling his bluff, all this Russiagate stuff may be shrinking the size of his...
qwerty - May 04, 2019 - Report this comment
And speaking of things that sound similar to subpoena, just keep using yours to hump that collusion chicken, Colonel Slanders
qwerty - May 04, 2019 - Report this comment
And speaking of things that sound similar to subpoena, just keep using yours to hump that collusion chicken, Colonel Slanders
Bob Gomez - May 05, 2019 - Report this comment
Spoken like a true Redundantcan.

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