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Song Parodies -> "As We Nuke It"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"As We Nuke It"

Parody Written by:

Giorgio Coniglio

The Lyrics

This pastiche derives from a poem published a decade ago, subbing lyrics related to my worklife experiences into the soliloquy by "the melancholy Jaques" from Act iii of Shakespeare's " As You Like It". Recently, I realized that the music and meter of "Fitzgerald" were suitable for rendering this piece into song. I have however no intention to satirize the solemn theme of Lightfoot's original lyrics.
I write what I can ...... All the world is a scan and,
All its 'in-'s and 'out-'s Nuclear’s -patients.
They have planars, both static and cine-mode flicks,
And each camera-head gets registrations.

With a digital load, tons more if we've 'tomo' ed
Using a step-and-shoot acquisition;
For Pediatrics, we've got quite a few tricks,
And the PACS lists shows studies int'resting.

For that tiny man, at first there's a milkscan —
Through the night his lungs pooling his puking:
Then, refluxing girl for her cysto, toes curled
Absorbed doses quite small, 'though we're nuking.

Though full bladder's her plight, like the moon lights the night
We can measure reflux while she's peeing;
Older brother's orchitis, they won't pex- hot testis;
No torsion! the Uro keeps sleeping.

And then there's a bleeder; should he go to 'theatre'? - ,
No scoped site by rectal or by mouth.
He's still maroon-stooling; cells label, no fooling,
Seek hot blip wherever from antrum south.

And then, a shunt-study —with 'tube blocked distally?',
We assume pressure's high, we've tray ready.
So when we draw back from bulged reservoir Hakim,
And inject, we'll find his belly empty.

The next scan does shift to dynamic-flow drift
Is the post-op kidney on the lam?
Drainage pouch on his side, we'll assess frusemide
A diuretic-enhanced renogram.
Good kidney in stride, it drips quickly with pride,
No such luck for its mate now diverting
Big kidney’s counts doubling, and that's rather troubling -
No peaks or downturns in its curving.

The last scan's emerg-y, and aids transplant surg'ry —
No uptake cerebral means donoring,
First-pass shows no flow, uptake pattern's a go, so
Bank organs, yank tubes, and thank certainty.

I write what I can .... All the world is a scan and,
All its in-s and out-s Nuclear’s -patients.
They have planars, both static and cine-mode flicks,
And each camera-head gets registrations.

See also Giorgio's Ukable Parodies for the original Shakespearean-style poetic parody, and for this singable version in conjunction with chords and images.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 1.9
How Funny: 1.7
Overall Rating: 1.7

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   5
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   1

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Patrick - June 23, 2014 - Report this comment
One of the most unusual topics I've ever seen for a parody. I take it you are involved in medical diagnostics using radiation. I've been on the receiving end. It's amazing what can be done with today's science and technology. If only people could progress morally and ethically at the same rate. I didn't see any response yet to my offer to allow you to sing my parody or post it on your site. The offer still stands, as it does for anyone here at AIR who can make good use of something I have written. All I ask is access to a recording that I can copy, and a bit of money if you can make money from singing or recording it.
Michael Pacholek - June 23, 2014 - Report this comment
It wouldn't be an official WOTEF parody if I didn't at least comment, but this was not a good effort. Taking an already-written poem and trying to fit it to the rhythm of an already-released song after the fact is problematic for pacing reasons alone, there's little funny or even point-making about the lyrics, and it just didn't move me at all. Perhaps you should have chosen a different base song. However, I'm not the person who voted 1-1-1. I firmly believe that, if a voter is going to do that, he needs to explain why, rather than keeping his opinion to himself or simply saying, "This sucks."
Dave W. - June 23, 2014 - Report this comment
I was a little intrigued from what I had read in all aspects...I think I'll vote later on this one though...I must get my brain used to this sight all over again ...I have been absent without an excuse for much too long...Got lots of catching up to do...this is gonna be fun
Giorgio Coniglio - June 23, 2014 - Report this comment
Not far alphabetically from Pacholek and close by parody lives pastiche, the art of spoofing several art-pieces or modes with 1 inane creation. Although your parodic resume makes you a maven of WOTEF parodies, I have some regret and some issue with repeatedly satirizing a relatively recent fatal disaster. But the world seems to love lighthearted shipwreck songs like this and the "Titanic". Chacun a son gout.
Low I.Q. - June 23, 2014 - Report this comment
You're obviously a smart guy, but a song parody should be challenging to write -- not to read. I can only guess what is meant by "bulged reservoir Hakim" and "cine-mode flicks." If my Spellcheck underlines "planars," what chance do I have?
Patrick - June 25, 2014 - Report this comment
If Giorgio is a bit uncomfortable about songs dealing with shipwrecks, I hope he never looks at my resumé.
Giorgio Coniglio - June 28, 2014 - Report this comment
@"Low". Don't sell yourself short. Even you could learn, if necessary, to Google things like "Hakim reservoir" and get that it's a medical device related to flow of cerebrospinal fluid. You might then appreciate that this spoof relates Shakespeare's 7 stages of man (from As You Like It) to 7 different diagnostic problems in children which can be solved by Nuclear Medicine scanning techniques. You, and even M.P., might recognize that this construct would be tickling to those in the medical diagnostic field, particularly as it can be sung to the tune of WOTEF. @ Patrick. I do admire your resume nonetheless. GioLio.

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