The legend was born - show was trippiest in town
Starred a big flake they called Captain Kirky
The aliens said “He’s not right in the head”
Beats their guys, beds their women - “It’s work, see”
Well, I know he’s adored - Yet I am mouthin’ “Oh Lord...”
At this large-egoed fellow’s propens’ties
That arrogant dude, he alone, ‘pon review’s
Why the rest of the quadrant hates Earthies...

That Spock was denied an emotional side
Coming from, as he will, planet Vulcan
As for pointy ears though, his were bigger than most
Made it through to the last, from first season
Man moody with germs were that Bones’ main concerns
Not forgetting down in Engineering
Translator required then for his harangues:
‘Twas young Mister Scott’s brogue they’d been hearing

The next in the sky made to potter around:
Was Picard, well-spoken, hair failing
As pher’mones exude, all the women conclude
Riker bristles with sexual feelin’
Forlorn, he waits, as the mol’cules conjugate
There’s the transporter man named O’Brien
Pos’tronic drive train runs our Data’s brain
No debate: ‘Fully funct’nal, Yar’s sighin’...

With mating time games our ol’ Worf, he piped up
Sayin': "Tell ya, Earth women are fragile"
And just now and then - man named Barclay came in
Stuttered “Ju-ju-just for a short while”
The youngest guy there’s been saw Will Crusher drafted in
Steered the good ship - at helm somewhat mellow
La Forge’s main blight is his sight went outta light
Say! That Trek had these interesting fellows

His syllables slow - for the love of Sisko!
Words, he makes, turn from minutes to hours...
Gelatinous ways see the Changeling obeyed
It’s the promenade constable - Odo
Bashir’s still in search of the ultimate prize:
He prays to give Dax what he oughta
And holosuite games are the famous-y domain
Manned by Quark and by Rom, who take orders

“Make you own road”, shrewd Chakotay thinks
‘Head, it looms, spirit guide-type expansion
Tom Paris, it seems, likes his girls extreme
The mind-melding ways are for Vulcans
In mess hall though, crew says “Oh no no...”
Takes in food that Neelix has tended
And the Doc’s concerned so, as the viewers’ll all know
With the way E.M.H. is remembered

There’s Ferengis recalled with Romulans, hey?
And Cardassians, don’t forget Klingons
The Borg were slime but sublime throughout their time
Every man, as assim’lated fellow
No mention is found - you may have noticed, look ‘round
Of the last series called Enterprise - see?
“Scott Bakula’s” (I’ve said) “acting fills me with dread”
And he fails as a Captain quite poorly !