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Song Parodies -> "I Won't Subscribe"

Original Song Title:

"I Will Survive"

Original Performer:

Gloria Gaynor

Parody Song Title:

"I Won't Subscribe"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

This one was a lot of fun to write like my product knock-off one in "THE DIFFERENCE".
These magazines are lame
I don't read SOY'S LIFE
They're freakin' far from clever GATE INFORMER made me whine
Who paid these dummies to write about some fence in Hong Kong?
Or salad tongs? These authors must be high on bongs!

Saw this huge stack... That's such a waste
READER'S DISGUST has made me sneer
Pick up a book, That's a disgrace
Won't spare the change since SLIME's a crock
Who's gonna buy PET ROCK FANCY?
'Zines make me groan so far from splendid, they're all hackjob authors, geeze...

Think AX 'EM blows
Extremely bored
HIGHLIGHTS that I found... Is made for stoners, Oh my Lord!
Were for kids once and that's disturbing, I can't lie
What's this rag I fumbled?
It has the title PIE TIMES

Won't spend a dime
I won't subscribe!
Oh, As long as they're jam-packed with junk
You know I'll need a bribe
SEVERED TEEN just makes me pissed
I X'ed SHEEPLE off this list
Think I'd subscribe?
I won't subscribe! Nay! Nay!

That BONE APPETIT's so bad it made me less smart
Was caught of guard by REAL PIMPLE in your shopping cart
And I won't spend a single dime looking at poultry in HEN'S HEALTH
It blows my mind: SPOTS ILLUSTRATED is a crime

GOOD MOUSEKEEPING... Has made me spew
Won't touch MONOCLE PORNOGRAPHIC if you want me to
Your mailbox is stuffed with them
Well, I sure hope those things were free
Cause if you spent your hard earned money on that crap then you're a freak

And I was floored
Those pastries were chowed... By the rock stars we adore
TV BLIND's dumb in brail for those with bad eyes
Gonna hear me grumble
Since they stink they are bringing in flies
No, I won't buy!
I won't subscribe!
To pick up these things I need thick gloves or I'd break out in hives
SANITY'S RARE made me cringe
BAR AND DRIVER made me flinch
Think I'd subscribe?
I won't subscribe... Nooooo...

GEEKQ is gross
It gave me warts
"Rock that Unibrow" and "Wear Suspenders With Plaid Shorts!"
What left me stunned is THE NEW PORKER's bacon tie
High fashion's jumbled
With some meat that's been crispy fried
No, I won't buy!
I won't subscribe!
I don't care how many times you shove these issues near my eyes
But MAD MAGAZINE's a hit!
And I'll subscribe
I will subscribe!
I will subscribe!!!

Magazines I parodied were: Boy's Life/ Game Informer/ Reader's Digest/ Time/ Dog Fancy/ Maxim/ Highlights For Children/ High Times/ Seventeen/ People/ Bon Appetit/ Real Simple/ Men's Health/ Sports Illustrated/ Good Housekeeping/ National Geographic/ Rolling Stone/ TV Guide/ Vanity Fair/ Car And Driver/ GQ/ The New Yorker & Popular Science

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   10

User Comments

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Larry Imitator - January 19, 2017 - Report this comment
A good read (pun intended)! 5's
annimal - January 19, 2017 - Report this comment
good one
Rob Arndt - January 19, 2017 - Report this comment
Overall masterpiece with the superb MAD Magazine ending! 555!
JAB - January 19, 2017 - Report this comment
MAD used to be great. But this is a GREAT parody!
Larry Hensley - January 19, 2017 - Report this comment
Really creative. 5's
Peter Andersson - January 20, 2017 - Report this comment
Wouldn't it be funny if there was a magazine called OPT OUT that you couldn't even subscribe to in the first place? :-)

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

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