First I was a chub, now I'm overweight
Kept thinking I must stuff the food upon my plate
But I spent so many nights, thinking chocs - where have they gone
I grew wrong, but I just kept on going on, and now this sad, unsolven case
I just walked in to find you here with my fat, rough unshaven face
I should have kept my stinking socks
I would have kept the stinking Brie
If I had known for just one second, you'd be back to hassle me

Go on now go to kitchen door
just turn the knobs now
'cause you're not watching Channel Four
weren't you the one who tried to kill me with your pie?
Your rhubarb crumbles, those cakes that piles the fat up high

Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as I have candy here
I might just stay alive
I've got all my food to live
I've got wholemeal flour to sieve
and I'll survive
I will survive

It took all the flour I had, making treacle tart
kept trying hard to mend the pastry as it fell apart
and I spent oh so many nights just reading books from the top shelf
I used to buy
And now I'm making my own pie
And you see me, I'm almost nude,
Stuck out in torture chamber making my own food
I cannot find the rolling pin, or the saucepan lid, you see
Now It's processed food I'm loving, it's the microwave for me

Go on now go to kitchen door
just turn the knobs now
'cause you're not watching Channel Four
weren't you the one who tried to kill me with your pie?
Your rhubarb crumbles, those cakes that piles the fat up high

Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as I have candy here
I might just stay alive
I've got all my food to live
I've got wholemeal flour to sieve
and I'll survive
I will survive

Go on now go to kitchen door
just turn the knobs now
'cause you're not watching Channel Four
weren't you the one who tried to kill me with your pie?
Your rhubarb crumbles, those cakes that piles the fat up high

Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as I have candy here
I might just stay alive
I've got all my food to live
I've got wholemeal flour to sieve
and I'll survive
I will survive