Don’t contradict me
I could talk all year
I’m freedom’s PM
But you needn’t fear
No cynical misinformation
We don’t deal in occupations

Chamberlain’s Army is far away
I sent our soldiers, who cares anyway?
Even if they’d rather be anywhere else
Than over there today

I’m full of jokes and banter
Famed for my genial PM’s smile
But it’s no laughing matter
When you’ve been sent two thousand miles HA HA!

Just send us some tinpot Führers
Or at least a gang of benevolent perverts

The world is up for grabs
White House says ‘Kill More Arabs’
They don’t like Africans too
London Gov’s not keen on Jews
Nor Chinese, Romanians or Polish, who knew?

Darling boy now, hearken when I say this
Never, never take shall one take the piss
If you lose an arm or leg
You won’t be sadly missed

As long as you’ve got functioning sight
Trust me, we’ll make sure you’re all right
But if you lose your feet
We’ll tenderly chuck you out on my golden little street

You act as though it’s prostitution
Why no! War’s the noblest, oldest institution
If you dare claim we pimps have ruined your life
Just see what we will do to your wife!

Chamberlain’s Army is far away
I sent your father, who cares anyway?
Even if Daddy’d rather be at home with you
Than over there today

Discharged? You say we should do more
Darling you are such a bore, you see?
You are only of interest to MY national interest
When you can fire a gun for me!

So what, now your spouse needs money?
Now hearken when I say this, honey!
There’s a weighty artillery of 'object'-ive constraints
Resources stretched, now don't complain

Love, I’ve made a 'state' of emergency
Now hush up good boy listen to my plea
Suck it up and live my imperial dream
In the desert NO-ONE in Downing Street can hear you scream!!!

Chamberlain’s Army is far away
I sent your mother, who cares anyway?
Even if Mummy’d rather be at home with you
Than over there today

Oh, sweetheart, cease your wheeze
Sincerely, without a hint of sleaze
You’ve done your duty now
So you can hold your beggy-bowl proud

The lovely girl quibbles over quids and quods
As though you knew the will of your splendid gracious God!
But destiny lies in our handsome hands
Now kitty, hobble pretty with your merry little band

You say now your health is poor
Now darling, I am quite sure
If only you had played the man
You could have benefited our master plan

Pray don’t pout that you’ve lost eight fingers
Why the lovely girl’s like a spoilt prima donna singer
So now you’re deaf? Sponging lady, listen to me, honey
How can that justify demanding all my money?!

Now what, splendid luvvie, cat got your tongue?
Or is pains from the war-burns of one’s bum-bum?
Can’t bear silly girls who promiscuously plead
I can buy more shit like you for free!

Now at least it’s plain to me
That it’s no sinful purchase in a free economy
Enter my cavern, hungry furnace, do comply
I never knew they stacked pleb scum that high!!!

Chamberlain’s Army is far away
King Richard’s the boss now, who cares anyway?
But we would rather be governed by
An honest PM today

The gov came for soldiers first
And some did not speak up
And then it’ll be other kinds of people
And still you don’t speak up

How many more kinds of people
Must be the prey of our PMs
Until there’s no one left to condemn
Our politicos from hell

And if when we die
There‘s any kind of dreadful judgment day
I’d rather be anyone in history
Other than a warmongering pm!