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Song Parodies -> "The Mail"

Original Song Title:

"Oliver's Army"

Parody Song Title:

"The Mail"

Parody Written by:

Wendy Christopher

The Lyrics

This parody is dedicated to that bastion of hyperbole and kneejerk opinions, The Daily Mail. It's a UK newspaper that's become something of a joke for its hysterical 'health scare' and 'doomsday weather' reports, deep undying love for the Royal Family (well, Princess Diana anyway) and just-dancing-on-the-line-bigoted attitudes to anyone who happens to be gay, foreign, non-christian or on benefits. Still, I suppose at least they're not phone-hacking - as far as we know.... !

It gets them talking
All the far far right
Those parrots keep squawking
We’re doomed, why is the world so shite?

When it comes to name and shaming
One newspaper knows just who they’re blaming

Want xenophobia? Read The Mail
Need homophobia? They can’t fail
Aim to make prejudice kind of okay -
Their Holy Grail

How do you feel this morning?
Amazed you’re still alive
Just read our friendly warning
On pages one to fifty-five…

So don’t eat, drink, sleep, breathe, will you?
Looks like everything’s out to kill you…!

Got hypochondria from The Mail
Is it a wonder you’re feeling frail?
They tell us seventy million ways
To kick the pail

Beware the welfare slobs
Foreigners steal your jobs
We’d still have our British Pride
If Diana had never died
You’ll be safe if you lock your doors and just stay inside

Here comes bad weather
You’ll die this summer from the heat
Then there’ll be winter death
From world-destroying blizzards, ice and sleet

Kick the voice of reason in the pants
Histrionics make the people dance

All of the bullshit is in The Mail
So if you’re full of it read The Mail
Agree with any damn drivel they say
That’s ‘Daily Wail’
They tell us seventy million ways
To kick the pail
Aim to make prejudice kind of okay
Their Holy Grail

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

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Rob Arndt - December 13, 2011 - Report this comment
I used to read The Guardian which I picked-up from a place called Touch of Britain here in Sacramento. It's a little restaurant/store with British imported foods and items. Portrait of the Queen on the wall, etc... that's the only Brit paper they carried. All the Royal mags and other Brit import mags were at Tower until they closed. I miss them but from what you say I never missed anything from The Daily Mail. 5 Pounds 55, please!
AFW - December 13, 2011 - Report this comment
Makes a lot of sense...
Wendy Christopher - December 14, 2011 - Report this comment
Thanks guys, much appreciated :^) Yeah, The guardian's probably one of the better papers from Britain, Rob - certainly a lot less hysterical than many of the others. I dread to think what you'd all believe Britain was really like if they imported The Mail over there!
Wendy Christopher - March 28, 2012 - Report this comment
Darn it, I forgot to put in a link to the OS! *slaps forehead.* Oh well... better late than never I guess:

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