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Song Parodies -> "Sylvia's Number"

Original Song Title:

"Sylvia's Mother"

Original Performer:

Dr. Hook & The Medicine Show

Parody Song Title:

"Sylvia's Number"

Parody Written by:

Stan Hall

The Lyrics

"Sylvia’s Number"

Sylvia’s number … it’s still very busy,
near dizzy from dialing I’ve grown.
Sylvia’s number I will keep on trying
until I get through on the phone.
Sylvia’s number -- I will be unhappy
’til I hear her call handler’s drone,

and the operator says “That’s 20 bucks, Sir, for the first five minutes.”
This phone sex is slavery! But I gotta talk to her
I give my card number and smile …
it feels so unsavory, I just cannot tell her that I …

Sylvia mutters, “Hey, silly, get crackin’,
I don’t wanna wait here all day.”
Sylvia mutters, “Hey silly, quit tarryin’,
Just tell what you want me to say.”
Sylvia mutters “Hey, silly, say somethin’,
don’t call me if you’ve feet of clay!”

Then the operator says “That’s 20 bucks, Sir, for the next five minutes.”
This phone sex is knavery! But I wanna talk some more
I give my card number and smile,
and, voice now unwavery, I start to tell her that I …

Sylvia stutters “You’ve thrilled’me! I’m worryin’
I’ll never feel this again.”
Sylvia stutters “You thrilled me, young fella –
more thrilling than pulling a train.”
Sylvia’s number I’ve got -- she’ll be callin’
for me, I won’t call her again …

’cause the operator says “Won’t need any bucks, Sir -- for the next five minutes
of phone sex, she’ll waive her fee, just hot-talk her some more.”
I wallet my Visa and smile,
Now Sylvia’s cravin’ me, just wants to tell me that she …

Can’t tell me good-bye.

Begs she:
“Don’t tell me good-bye!”

(Fade out)
© Stan Hall ... I'm actually a bit fearful/tearful that, in writing this, I've ruined for myself an OS I very much like. Oh well ... if the silly young fella here can triumph over his scruples, I guess I'll get over mine. :-)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

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Johnny D - February 28, 2008 - Report this comment
Now you can write a sequel - a parody to "Wichita Lineman" - the "Itch It Raw Lineman". ;-)
Michael Pacholek - February 28, 2008 - Report this comment
I wish I'd thought of this one. Wait a minute, I did, four years ago: On the other hand... OK, bad choice of words... Sylvia's Number is 976-555...
alvin - February 28, 2008 - Report this comment
winderfully amusing job on this.....a great story line.....extra credit for the "avery / knavery" switch
Stan - February 28, 2008 - Report this comment
Gracias, amigos. MP - enjoyed your 4-y-o version. But, gracious! Looks like prices have quadrupled over those four years. Must be this Bush economy ... OK, bad choice of words. :-)
AFW - February 28, 2008 - Report this comment
Good sex themed parody...good fantasy finish...clever
Peregrin - February 28, 2008 - Report this comment
Hey Stan, great work with the OS, nice twist!
PMS - February 29, 2008 - Report this comment
I got YOUR number and it is 555
Guy - February 29, 2008 - Report this comment
Stan - Have you ever seen Sylvia - She has the most beautiful tooth when she smiles and only weighs 555 pounds. This is really good. I liked it much. But phone sex is something I have never quite understood. What do men get out of talking dirty with a female? I can understand T and A shows and porn stuff turning guys on but the phone getting anyone excited? Had I known this years ago I'd be a millionaire by now.

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