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Song Parodies -> "Only Sixteen Inches, But Gee..."

Original Song Title:

"Only Sixteen"

Original Performer:

Dr Hook

Parody Song Title:

"Only Sixteen Inches, But Gee..."

Parody Written by:

Stuart McArthur

The Lyrics

If you knew Barbie like I knew Barbieoh, oh, oh what a doll!.................. for an mp3 of the OS in another window, rightclick here
She was only sixteen
inches but gee
how I loved her so-oo-oh
She was too small
for me to love
but I was too dumb to know

We'd laugh and we'd play
on the buffet
and it made my par(er, heart!) grow-oo-oh
but she was too teeny
to take a w*****
seems "no" really did mean "NO"

So why did I have to go that far?
It never can happen again
coz I'd had a hundred lovers before
she'd had, at best, a pen

She was only sixteen
inches but gee
she played hard to get
She was too tight
on that sad night
(I thought she just wasn't wet)

[ inexplicably light-hearted instrumental as I wander sadly along a riverbank, alone with my grief ]

So why did I try to light a fire
with only one dry log to use
I guess that I swung my axe too hard
It split that log in two

Now she has only been gone
two days or so
but my life has been hell
I dug a grave
and then I gave
both bits a fond farewell

Yes, she was too small
(me, not at all)
twas NOT
not a GOOD match
not a


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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   17

User Comments

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Rick C - May 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Nicely done, BIG GUY! LOL :-) 555
alvin rhodes - May 09, 2006 - Report this comment
she never had that problem when dating ken
Stephen Harrington - May 09, 2006 - Report this comment
555, wow. just. wow.
Matthias - May 09, 2006 - Report this comment
The perfect girl for you Stu? Tomb Raider Barbie...
AFW - May 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Kinky and Kute...paints a very funny image..5's
PMS - May 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Depraved and sick. 555
Luke Brattoni - May 09, 2006 - Report this comment
And imagine if you'd taken off the washers... hilarious stuff, Stu. I know a bit of the OS from the play WASP I was in last year. 555
Johnny D - May 09, 2006 - Report this comment
555, now do Sixteen Candles, heh heh cough cough haiku gesundheit
Stuart McArthur - May 09, 2006 - Report this comment
THANKS RICK!! Yes, true love knows no boundaries! (, well in this case one boundary, but I mean generally-speaking...)

LMAO, Alvin! - most dolls were safe with him around :-)

thanks Stephen

thanks Matthias - actually the one I once did a double-take on is Combat Barbie - whoa, noone can tell me SHE doesn't kick ass!

thanks AFW, and thanks for the ringing endorsement PMS ;-)

LOL Luke, I can't imagine how that wussy OS ever made it into a play, except because of its wussiness - oh I get it

thanks Johnny - you're getting too cryptic for me nowadays - I might run those last words thru an anagram decipherer :-)
carol - May 09, 2006 - Report this comment
kinky and perverted. I love it. 555
Stuart McArthur - May 09, 2006 - Report this comment
thanks carol - I try ;-)
Red Ant - May 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Oh wow, was that ever wrong! LOL! 555.
Adagio - May 10, 2006 - Report this comment
*sniffle* Poor Stuart! 5's
Stuart McArthur - May 10, 2006 - Report this comment
*wail* ALL I needed was some sympathy, Pat *wail*

(wipes tears) um, thanks Red, wrong as I could make it without being exiled to whatfreaks ;-)
Phil Alexander - May 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Trying desperately to work in a "barbie-cue" sort of joke... but failed miserably :-) Too busy sitting with legs crossed and tears in eyes, I guess. Very funny, Stuart.
Stuart McArthur - May 10, 2006 - Report this comment
ha - I did a short film once, Phil, and in it I sent up the line "throw another shrimp on the barbie" from that US ad to promote Aussie tourism, and yes, of course, the sight gag was throwing a shrimp on a naked barbie doll - got adequate (no less no more) laughs during the screening!
Larry Hensley - May 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Really funny one! 5's
Tennessee Ernie - May 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Ya' lift sixteen inch, and whaddaya get....I'll never know but ol' Barbie gets split. That peter was humongous, and lord it shows...from now on stick to them tongue-lashin' blows :-)..Dum dum dum dum dumdumdum....dum. Cinco de five-o, Stew.
Stuart McArthur - May 14, 2006 - Report this comment
eerily like "the Passenger" by Iggy Pop, Tennessee E - thanks for the 555, oh one who calls me Stew... :-)

thanks Larry
The Charnstar - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
HAHAHA! When I read the title... I thought... something else... HAHAHA! 5-5-5! Great parody here
Red Ant - January 06, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC3O) One of your best, Stu. TMGLTM. See above.
Agrimorfee - January 08, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC3) A big problem (oops!) with this song is that without the Barbie contextual intro you wrote, this comes off like one very sick tune.
Michael McVey - January 09, 2007 - Report this comment
Actually, I thought this one was quite funny. The problem is question isn't one that gets lampooned very often.---MM
tomario - January 12, 2007 - Report this comment
lol do you want to borrow the elastic band i use on my hamster ? strange little parody don't you just love em! 555
bobpiecheese - January 12, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC3O) Oh dear. The songs you come up with, Stu...they're funny and all, but...oh dear...
Stuart McArthur - January 13, 2007 - Report this comment
thanks Charnstar, Red Ant, Agri, Mike, tomario and bobpie

point taken Agri - which is why I spelt out the scenario in the intro, but as I was writing it (trying to honour the title sub, which I liked), I felt like maybe I'm on a little bit of shaky ground here ;-)
Stuart McArthur - January 14, 2007 - Report this comment
is anybody else having problems posting on the MB - keep getting "error" messages - for 2 days now
Matthias - January 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Stuart, you're a grown man. Stop "playing" with dolls
Kristof Robertson - January 15, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC3O) How'd I miss this? Oh yeah, it was when I was "out of commission"...this is so, SO wrong, it transcends funny all the way to mirthful but shocked AWE! Makes a great companion piece to "Ken (A Doll's Tale)"...LOVELY! 555+
Jack Wilson - January 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Im with Charnstar on that, but still this was awesome, I guess that goes to show ya, never put your shrimp on a Barbie ( you should get that joke really easy too )
Johnny D - January 16, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC) Still a brilliant example of Aurora Australis Insanity! Stu, here's a new cryptic puzzler for you, with an extremely sick and twisted Barbie Doll connection: Google the following three things simultaneously: "wonder of the world", "barbie", and "kip".

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