She was only sixteen
inches but gee
how I loved her so-oo-oh
She was too small
for me to love
but I was too dumb to know

We'd laugh and we'd play
on the buffet
and it made my par(er, heart!) grow-oo-oh
but she was too teeny
to take a w*****
seems "no" really did mean "NO"

So why did I have to go that far?
It never can happen again
coz I'd had a hundred lovers before
she'd had, at best, a pen

She was only sixteen
inches but gee
(ooh!)
she played hard to get
She was too tight
on that sad night
(I thought she just wasn't wet)


[ inexplicably light-hearted instrumental as I wander sadly along a riverbank, alone with my grief ]


So why did I try to light a fire
with only one dry log to use
I guess that I swung my axe too hard
It split that log in two

Now she has only been gone
two days or so
(ooh!)
but my life has been hell
I dug a grave
and then I gave
both bits a fond farewell

Yes, she was too small
(me, not at all)
twas NOT
not a GOOD match
not a
GOOD
match
I
sup-
po-ose

(wail!!!!!)