A long, long time ago
I can still remember
How those hobbits used to make me smile
And I knew if I had fireworks,
That I could play on Bilbo's quirks,
And maybe I could see him for a while.
But as he spoke he made me shiver
And he slipped the Ring on his finger.
Bad news to each hobbit;
And yet I couldn't stop it
I can't remember if I cried
When the rumor spread that Bilbo died
But something touched me deep inside
The day that Smeagol fried.
So...

Bye bye, Mr. Smeagol, goodbye,
Drove up to the Prancing Pony but Pippin drank it dry
Them good old hobbits had the place going high
Saying "Once removed on his mother's side!"
Once removed on his mother's side...

Now did you keep it secret and safe,
And do you have a lot of faith
If Gandalf tells you so?
Do you believe that Mirkwood hides elves?
Can Boromir save you from himself?
And can Frodo destroy the Ring himself?
Well, I know Smeagol tried to kill him,
Cuz I saw them fighting at the Doom rim.
They both shunned poor old Sam
Man, they dig those Orc-armor shams!
Frodo's a lonely mid-aged greedy stick
And Sam turned him into a hick
But they knew they were out of tricks
The day that Smeagol fried.
Sam started singing

Bye bye, Mr. Smeagol, goodbye,
Drove up to the Prancing Pony but Pippin drank it dry
Them good old hobbits had the place going high
Saying "Once removed on his mother's side!"
Once removed on his mother's side...

Now for ten months we've been all alone
The Nazgul did things we couldn't condone
But that's not the way it used to be.
When the Nazgul stabbed Frodo in the breast
He was really supposed to hit his chest
But instead he missed and then was set on fire
Oh, and while Merry was looking 'round,
The Nazgul's sword, it pointed down.
Strider came running in
With a torch burning resin
And while Saruman chanted a spell
The Nine heard a voice oh-so-fell
And Legolas sings dirges well...
The day that Smeagol fried,
Legolas did sing

Bye bye, Mr. Smeagol, goodbye,
Drove up to the Prancing Pony but Pippin drank it dry
Them good old hobbits had the place going high
Saying "Once removed on his mother's side!"
Once removed on his mother's side...

Helter skelter in a Rivendell chase
The Nazgul pursued Arwen's case
As she galloped off real fast
Hoofs pounding on the grass
The Nazgul tried just to get past
But the horse Arwen was riding was too fast
Now Rivendell air is sweet perfume,
So Elvish healing powers bloom
We hoped Frodo would last
Ohh, but he almost missed the chance
Cuz Saruman tried to take the Ring
While Frodo kept on using Sting
Do you recall what elves still sing
The day that Smeagol fried?
They started singing

Bye bye, Mr. Smeagol, goodbye,
Drove up to the Prancing Pony but Pippin drank it dry
Them good old hobbits had the place going high
Saying "Once removed on his mother's side!"
Once removed on his mother's side...

Oh, and there they were all at one place
A horde of men and Elves in place
With no time left to call more men
So come on Gandalf hurry, Gandalf split!
Gandalf still misses the hick
But fire is the Balrog's only friend
And as I watched him take the bridge
I clenched my staff, felt like a midge
No wizard with much power
Could throw him from his bower
And as that whip climbed high into the cave
To grab my leg, he started to rave,
And Saruman my death did crave
But then poor Smeagol fried
He was singing

Bye bye, Mr. Smeagol, goodbye,
Drove up to the Prancing Pony but Pippin drank it dry
Them good old hobbits had the place going high
Saying "Once removed on his mother's side!"
Once removed on his mother's side...

I Met and Elf who had the blues
and I asked for any hobbit news,
But she just sobbed and turned away.
I went down to look o'er the gore
Where there was a city years before
But the dead there said the bells would never play
And in the roads the horses screamed
The dying cried, and the elves, they dreamed
But not a word was spoken
A lot of legs were broken
And the three whom you admire the most,
Frodo, myself, and Smeagol's ghost,
We caught a ship headed for far coasts
After the One Ring fried
And all were singing...

Bye bye, Mr. Smeagol, goodbye,
Drove up to the Prancing Pony but Pippin drank it dry
Them good old hobbits had the place going high
Saying "Once removed on his mother's side!"
Once removed on his mother's side...

Bye bye, oh, the One Ring, goodbye,
Drove up to the Prancing Pony but we ALL drank it dry
Them good old hobbits had the place going high
Saying "Once removed on his mother's side!"