Making fun of music, one song at a time. Since the year 2000.
Check out the two amIright misheard lyrics books including one book devoted to misheard lyrics of the 1980s.
(Toggle Right Side Navigation)

Song Parodies -> "My Conducting Baton"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

Original Performer:

Don McLean

Parody Song Title:

"My Conducting Baton"

Parody Written by:

Old Man Ribber

The Lyrics

For my fourth of the amiright Big Seven, I attempt the longest (but not necessarily the scariest) of the selections. As American Pie is an epic story, I use it to tell the tale of Old Man Ribber's life in music. I'm not plagarizing Mr. Holland's Opus...most of our stories are like (and in other ways totally UNLIKE) the famous movie. Sadly, for most of us the ending is very similar. Oh well...we'll always have amiright! ;D

A long long time ago,
I can just remember - list'ning to our brand new hi-fi set.
I swung my small arms to and fro
And thought I made the music go.
I dreamed that someday I'd conduct the Met.
But fully fifty-five years later
I'm just a music commentator.
After a life in music
I now have laid down my stick.
It isn't bitter - isn't sweet -
With my life's ambition now complete.
Not victory, but not defeat.
The day I took a seat.

So farewell, my conducting baton.
You were super - what a trooper -
But those days are long gone.
I'm an old buck - I just can't jump like a fawn,
And so now the time has come to move on.
Now the time has come to move on.

I was full of music fire
As I sang my part in children's choir -
Kept time when they couldn't see.
For 'though they couldn't hold a pitch
That's not what made my stomach twitch -
They had no time - and they sang a-rhyth-mic-ly!
In my music class I was distressed
'Cause nobody there could count a rest.
I waved my arms around
To get the class back with the sound.
And all my teachers smiled - because they knew
That someday I'd be doing - just what they'd do.
I blushed - for I knew it was true.
But now those days are through.
And now I'm saying...

Bye bye, little conducting stick.
Never faked it! I could make it
Do each wonderful trick.
And all my moves - were truly graceful and slick.
Now I will not be conducting a lick.
I won't be conducting a lick.

Then for nine years - I played in school band,
And I'll tell you - that time was sure grand!
I did the marching/concert jive.
I learned trumpet - then switched to baritone,
Even taught myself to play trombone -
And I kept my ambition so alive.
For when we broke into smaller groups
I beat the time for all the troops,
Using my arm and hand
To make a better band.
As I closed in on my final goal
I gloried in my brand new role
With music burning in my soul -
And now I've paid the toll.
Once more I'm saying...

Bye Bye, little sliver of wood.
Much hard working and some jerking -
But it always was good.
And I gave it - everything that I could,
But I hung it up the moment I should.
Hung it up the moment I should.

Undergrad school - but I was no darn fool,
I was no great player - but it was still cool.
I got As but there was more.
I used my skills - I could weave
Such won'drous sounds - you would not believe.
For I ex-celled - in the reading of a score.
But my next six years were nondescript.
Through my first two jobs I blindly tripped.
Then out of nowhere came
The big spark to relight the flame,
When my little junior high school band
Received a top score (quite unplanned!)
And BAM! This guy was in demand!
I'm done - but it was grand.
Again I'm saying...

Bye bye, my cork and fiberglass.
Through the swerving and unnerving
You were serving with class.
You were my "ax" - more than woodwind or brass.
Sadly like all good things this too must pass.
Like all good things this too must pass.

My last thirty years - are quickly told.
It was a joyous age of gold.
My groups were all beyond compare.
'Though each nuance I could communicate
That's not what made those outfits great -
For each of my players - I truly cared.
The local adult band hired me -
That ended unharmoniously.
Band wannabes lack class.
They're a huge pain in the *ss!
'Though I never played Carnegie Hall
I still was happy all in all.
I got big sounds from those kids so small.
I'm done - but what I saw!
No more swaying...

Bye bye, oh my dear little friend.
We were living to be giving
All the sound we could bend.
We kept up with - ev'ry new fad and trend.
It was nice but it has come to an end.
Nice but it has come to an end.

A year or two ago came change
When my bosses told me words so strange.
I saw the dawn of a new day.
The only thing was the state test -
Not whose student music group was best
Or the benefits that the kids get when they play.
To classrooms we were re-assigned
My role was changed - It was redefined.
Our programs ripped to tatters -
Guess it no longer matters.
So I put aside my little toy,
The dreams, the music, all the joy,
And mem'ries they cannot destroy.
All I can say is "Oy!"
And now I'm saying...

Bye bye, my conducting baton.
I'll be staying with my playing
As I keep plodding on.
We once were king - but now we're only a pawn.
It was fun but now it's all gone.
No delaying...

Hello to the musical grind.
I took my fire back to church choir.
It is not a good find.
The singers there - they're not just just tone deaf - they're blind,
And it will be the first job I've declined!

Number four - and once again right on schedule! I'm going to ruin my reputation for indolence. The REAL heavy lifting remains - Bohemian Rhapsody, Major General, and Blinded By The Light. I'm reading everyone else's takes to get the feel and rhythm, to "goose the muse", and above all to avoid the unintentional ripping off of another's work. ;D

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

In order for your vote to count, you need to hit the 'Place Your Vote' button.

Voting Results

Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   3
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Barry J. Mitchel - October 04, 2010 - Report this comment
This is so genuine and personal, you could not have plagiarized any of it. 555 bravos!
Was your reassignment due to budget cuts not offset by federal stimulus grants? Won't last forever.
I'm in a church choir that's neither tone deaf nor blind; if we lose our fine director, we'll hire you!
AFW - October 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Quite a story, OMR. Sounds like the script for a Broadway musical. Very good job with metre, rhyming, phrasing, and overall content.
Old Man Ribber - October 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks truth reassignment and diminishing energy (but not results). :)
Wild Child JIN - October 04, 2010 - Report this comment
The original song of this parody was written and released in the year of my birth 1972, and I like classical music and this song! Play on with that baton! 555 :-)
Below Average Dave - October 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Of the big 7, this one is likely the 'biggest' by size--not by difficulty, interesting take on it--turning it into a life story, I remember doing the big 7, this one turned out to be a breather after "Blinded by the Light"--that is not a fun Big 7 song to hit, 555
Old Man Ribber - October 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Do thye one bombers even read thse?
Rex - October 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Did you ever do any conducting schtick with your conducting stick? Lovely story in 555 time.
Old Man Ribber - October 04, 2010 - Report this comment
-y (Why?) ;D
Christie Marie M - October 04, 2010 - Report this comment
The legendary Ribber strikes the Big 7 yet again! Very impressive. Hey, maybe you could register as a member for to receive your medal if you complete all B7's and you could even participate in SOTM's. I bet you would do well in any contest. Conducting 555 notes for this American Pie! I'd like to see you try Bohemian Rhapsody next. I'm currently working on that one this week.
Old Man Ribber - October 05, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks again all. Christie - Bohemian Rhapsody is in my future...projected posting date is 10/18 (muse willing!). Right now I'm wrestling with a "Major General".
Andy Primus - October 05, 2010 - Report this comment
Very well done - excellent rhyming throughout. Especially liked the Hall/all/small & toy/joy/destroy lines. 555, not 111
BentleyBro - February 25, 2013 - Report this comment
This was awesome! American Pie by Don McLean is always an awesome song, even without being parodied. :D Glad to see another fan of good music :)

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

Link To This Page

The address of this page is: For help, see the examples of how to link to this page.

This is view # 1258