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Song Parodies -> "Canada Dry"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

Original Performer:

Don McLean

Parody Song Title:

"Canada Dry"

Parody Written by:

Guy DiRito

The Lyrics

For a Youtube look and listen to "American Pie" by Don McLean click HERE
A Don's long crime we know,
The mob's many members.
How their antics muse when they get riled.
There's a few when they had their chance,
They had made heaps of finance,
Gone heavy as their taxes go un-filed.

One February left in rigor,
In every paper shown those triggered.
Bad dudes took some war steps,
Then with the fishes more slept.
It's just remembered seven died,
Laid them dead about all riddled, fried.
They got in dutch with wisened guys,
Was quite a news week ride.

Some wise guys took a whackin' and died,
Mowed them heavy, took out ev'ry,
got too "nebby" [1] these guys.
And Capones'es boys were movin' whisky and rye,
Thinkin' we can make some hay on the side,
We can make some hay on the side.

Some Jew cooks the books and thus,
'Cause the mob puts faith "In God We Trust".
Vice you trifle, must pay though.
They so believe in stocks and gold,
Some mavericks let into their fold,
It's the reaching for finance, real dough.

Well, you know you tried your luck. a whim,
'Cause you did some gamblin', drank some gin.
You're done licked by the booze,
So, get to givin' them their dues.
He lost his only greenage, and his truck,
At the "Drink Bar Nation" was this hicked up smuck,
But they knew he was down on luck,
That day some guys came wise.

He finished drinking,
"Hey guy, want a piece of the pie?"
Drive our chevy meet our heavies,
And pick up some supplies.
Meet with two old boys, we call them "Blinky' and "Sly",
Sneak not up upon them 'cause they hate surprise,
Sneak not up on "Blinky" and "Sly".

Those with tenure get a piece to own,
The boss grows fat 'cause he's made his bones.
From bootleg booze delivery,
Don't pester 'round with things in Queens,
Take an oath so hallowed, goes unseen,
It's their choice, they all take faithfully

Such is style "our thing", all bookings down,
The messers told not hang around.
Each courtroom case adjourned,
While edicts reap returns.
Those seven dead they left some marks,
Like hornets messed with came these sharks,
With dead bang surges in the dark,
Went crazed these lunic guys.

Came the stinging,
Wise guys buyin' Canada dry,
Like a bevy load of heavies,
Come the heavies, men die.
These true told boys like winkin' "Blinky" and "Sly",
As stingin' this is just their way, these wise guys,
This is just their way, these wise guys.

Beltzer, Seltzer, Jones and Sommers shelter,
Law lords blew off all the fallout felt there.
Aids file high gets rulings cast.
Each landed foul of laws past.
The soldiers hired headed for the pass,
Days of yester, when the guidelines, wore no mask.

The graft crime lairs were filled with goons,
As they target prey; get judges tuned.
The robes got paid in cash,
Oh, how they turn the law to trash.
All the players got their pockets filled.
The barging clan infused their yield,
They don't recall, nothing's revealed.
Those guys so manic wise.

Everyone's drinking,
My, my this American pie,
Profits heavy, charge no levy,
Tax not any who buy.
No good make noise when movin' whisky and rye.
And thinkin' we can buy out Canada dry,
We can buy out Canada dry.

And there they were in each others face,
A tribute placin' on each case.
It's just crime left to smartened men.
They come on - "Mack" and "Jimbo" "Jack Da Quick"
Whack fast before a scandal sticks.
Cross fired hear the leveled shotguns' din.

Oh, what be the cost if war we wage?
Their Dons are pitched in fits of rage.
Their anger will bring hell,
They break out shots and shells.
And as the lame go limping off in fright,
This ain't no law official fight.
They call saints in from the left and right,
The day the booze reeks wise.

They keep drinkin',
Rye-rye, we'll drink Canada dry.
Hauled in Chevies drove by heavies,
So that many can buy.
Them wise old guys are playin' risky and spry,
They're bringing in and makin' hay as sun shines,
Makin' all their hay as sun shines.

And then one day there came the news,
Eighteenth amendment so abused,
The law guys filed and turned it stay.
Was taken down their sacred whore,
Now it's hurt their music, cheers no more.
But the clan there found another game to play.

So on the streets the illin' feeds,
In cover hide, and they know its needs.
With their net worth unbroken,
These lurch sell junk for pokin'.
And of these men who are wired most,
God Father's Guns they're "Cosa Nost".
They got real fast trained coast to coast,
Got they a new stick flied.

The junk they're slinging,
Wise guys gets you Mexican high,
Drove in Chevies cross the levees
Where the Rio Grande's dry.
Got them mucho boys they're bringin' stink weed and fly.
Bringin' whistle blow and junk to get high.
Whistle blow and junk to get high.

It's legal drinking,
Wise guys keep America high,
Drugs so heavy, no tax levy,
So that many can buy.
Got them mucho boys they're bringin' stink weed and fly.
Bringin' whistle blow and junk to get high.
Whistle blow and junk to get high.

[1] Nebby (Pittsburghese)

To be nosey

A word from the Greater Pittsburgh area.

Laura is so nebby, she is always getting into trouble for it.

More on "Nebby" click HERE

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   10

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin - March 18, 2008 - Report this comment
liked the dry humor in this....i vaguely remember the odd commercials in the 60s
AFW - March 18, 2008 - Report this comment
Great work on a really tough cookie to re-write..fits, and reads extremely well..
Guy - March 18, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks Alivn but you have me at a disadvantage about the commercials of the 60s? If there is any refs to commercials it was totally done unconsciously. If not for you and the unknown voter I would have gotten no notice at all. Come on now folks. 28 views, well 27 if my view is not tallied, and not peep one from the peanut gallery? It's not like we get paid for doing this and what would it cost you to give an opinion on the work that went into this. I don't care if you don't vote and I don't care if the comments are negative. Anything is better than nothing.

Thanks, Mr. Farce, I can always count on you and Alvin for a comment. And I really loved the one you put in yesterday. I will, in a bit go through today's trappings. Sir John alluded to composing some Bates stuff today. Have a few things to do - just got home from work. Can't wait and COMMMENT on the work you hard working authors deserve.
Stan Hall - March 18, 2008 - Report this comment
Nothin' like a wry riff on rye. :-)
Red Ant - March 18, 2008 - Report this comment
Guy, you did an outstanding job with this parody. It's hard these days to keep me interested in an almost 9 minute long song, but when this ended I was hoping for more... no doubt you could have written it, too. Excellent matching as always, and that you didn't sacrifice conventionial grammar to do it is a huge plus in my book.

About the hit counter/views, there are undoubtedly several by various search engines that never really "read" the parody, if you know what I mean. Like you, I value the comments more than the hits though. In conclusion:
5s, 5s, for this parody, Guy
Made it funny, made it punny, on the money with rhymes...

Okay, that's enough AP for me for one day. =)
John Barry - March 18, 2008 - Report this comment
Two masterPIEces in two days. Go for 3.14 and you'll have Pie pi.
Guy - March 18, 2008 - Report this comment
Stan - Thanks for staying with me as I continue to plug at the mob week after week. I will write this stuff until I get it out of my system. Thanks, friend.

Mr. Ant - Yeah, I guess I kind of jumped the gun when I looked at my work and didn't see a lot of comment. I guess all the commenters were running a bit late today. Sorry for the outburst. Thanks for your weigh in. Glad you could stand reading through a 9 Min OS parody. I was having so much fun writing this "Pie" and the one yesterday that I could have gone on for quite a while but I ran out of OS. THANKS!

Yes Sir John, I baked two Pies in a row, but if you check my author's page you will see that I went through about two months of writing Pi after Pi parody including one called "Binary Pi". This was back a couple of years ago and was the first "Pie" I did where I varied the choruses. Thanks for your weigh in JB.
alvin - March 18, 2008 - Report this comment
i'm an idiot...i was thinking the canada dry company ran some ads in the 80s featuring gangster types.....the more i thought about it i realized it was a mad magazine ad i saw spoofing canada dry...duh !
alvin - March 18, 2008 - Report this comment
i mean in the 60s...double duh...think i'll just shut up now
SW - March 19, 2008 - Report this comment
Wow what a great job! 555
Peregrin - March 23, 2008 - Report this comment
That was a great read Guy, it made my day!

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