Song Parodies -> You'll Never Be Top Gun Again

Original Song Title:	"I'll Never Fall In Love Again"
Original Performer:	Dionne Warwick

Parody Song Title:	"You'll Never Be Top Gun Again"
Parody Written by:	Kristof Robertson

Poor Cruiser! The world's most famous Operating Thetan has had a rough run lately; so this little song is my way of offering him support and sympathy....not!

What do you get when you’re small and smug
And live in your L Ron Hubbard bubble?
Before you know, career’s in trouble
You’ll never be Top Gun again
You’ll never be Top Gun again!

What do you do when you’re hot for Holmes?
You leap around like a d*ck on Oprah
That ain’t no way to treat a sofa!
You’ll never be Top Gun again
You’ll never be Top Gun again!

Don’t bang on ‘bout your views, devout
You may well get a punch in the snout
You’re acting nuts now you’re past forty
Paramount said, “Take a hike, shorty!”

What can you do when the papers say
You’re queerer than twenty Carson Kressleys?
Sure, you could sue; but Tom, expressly
You’ll never be Top Gun again
I’m tellin’ ya: you’ll never be Top Gun again

[INSTRUMENTAL]

Each time you speak, your words are bogus
Here’s a thought! You could run for POTUS!

Don’t get too bummed when your movies bomb
And getting work’s an Imposs’ble Mission
Hey bud; at least you’re not Mel Gibson!
He’ll never be Mad Max again
I’m tellin’ ya: you’ll never be Top Gun again

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Ravyn Rant - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment

"at least you're not Mel Gibson" was just one of the many excellent lines. This cracked me up. 555

Jason - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment

Welcome back Mr Kristof! I must admit I DKTOS but found this an entertaining read all the same. What do you think of my recent submissions?

AFW - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment

Right on target with this, Kristof ....clever stuff, indeed

alvin - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment

love it....hard to feel sorry for the guy...he makes himself such a big target for making fun of

Jack Wilson - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment

This freakin ruled Loved it Check out my parody today too

stuart mcarthur - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment

brilliant wit, Kristof - poor old Tom (nice show of support though!) - I have to mention 3 genius bits: You’re queerer than twenty Carson Kressleys?, Here’s a thought! You could run for POTUS!, He’ll never be Mad Max again (.........line break?)

...and I get to test out Chucky's new comment/vote/linebreak algorithm with this - wow - 555

Ann Hammond - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment

Entertaining read

John Jenkins - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment

Excellent stuff, Kristoff. TMGLTM, but "Imposs’ble Mission" stood out for me.

stuart mcarthur - April 17, 2007 - Report this comment

excuse me for a sec, Kristof...

hey guys...

in case you hadn't noticed...

Chucky has kindly returned our line breaks for us

(ah, that's better)

sorry Kristof.......carry on

Rick C - April 17, 2007 - Report this comment

Wonderful work Mr. Wobertson! I've always thought Tom Cruise was under qualified as an actor. He needs bashing more often. Loved the "Oprah-sofa" line, as well as the "Twenty Carson Kressleys?".

Kristof Robertson - April 17, 2007 - Report this comment

A belated thanks to each and everyone who commented and voted on this. I'll leave Tom alone for a while now.....

Agrimorfee - May 25, 2007 - Report this comment

(ABC)Wish I knew who Carson Kressley was. In any event, well played, Kris. Here's a perfect score again.

Johnny D - May 25, 2007 - Report this comment

(ABC) From Top Gun to Bottom Towel-Snapper -- HOO-EE-baby, HOO-EE, HOO-EE-baby, HOO-EE, HOO-EE-baby, Tommy's gonna make us wanna, FLEE CRUISE!

Matthias - June 04, 2007 - Report this comment

"You’re queerer than twenty Carson Kressleys" Had to be my favorite line... I miss Queer Eye

Michael McVey - June 04, 2007 - Report this comment

True enough, but is there a minority report?

Arwen - June 11, 2007 - Report this comment

ABC...nice, KR. Poor Tom...he's just too easy of a target, isn't he?

stuart mcarthur - June 11, 2007 - Report this comment

(abc3y) wow, on second reading, more brilliance stands out - the oprah/sofa couplet, forty/shorty, Kressly/expressly, bogu/Potus, mission/Gibson, and none of them obvious or easy "gets" - that's some serious cleverness KR, from a true admirer

Mikey Squirrel - June 11, 2007 - Report this comment

ABC- This one had me jumping on the couch. Nicely done, Kristof.

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Song Parodies -> You'll Never Be Top Gun Again

"I'll Never Fall In Love Again"

Dionne Warwick

"You'll Never Be Top Gun Again"

Kristof Robertson

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