You don't bring me taters
I don't cook no french fries
That butter doesn't melt on bakers anymore
Cause I'm not eating spuds cooked in various ways

I remember when
You used to like to spud me
You didn't like to leaf me
Now I ain't shovellin' food at night
Unless it's made with Splenda
Cause that is alright
Now the rolls are over
And I'm feelin' light
Cause you don't bring me taters anymore

It used to be so natural
To slap on lots of butter
But pancakes don't get eaten anymore
They just lie in the freezer til they're thrown away

And baby, I am tempted
By that big bag of Fritos
I learned to eat pork rinds
But got sick of those
Cause they started to taste
Like an old rubber hose
Still my fondness for taterless eating just grows
And you don't bring me taters-
I don't cook you "mashies"
You don't bring me taters anymore