Nobody mails it better
Makes us look down on the rest
Nobody mails it perfect like Bill does
Dodson is the best

There's trepidation when Bill's on vacation
We always panic when he's gone
Unofficially titled 'The Mailroom Idol'
The highest pedestal we've put him on

And nobody mails it better
Though we wish the other ones would
Nobody mails it perfect like he does
Can't the others be as good?

Bill finds it amusing
The harsh words we're using
With his own assistants has no beef
That won't stop our whining
And all our repining
Causing all his helpers so much grief

'Cause nobody mails it better
Makes us look down on the rest
Nobody mails it perfect like Bill does
Dodson, Dodson, Dodson is the best

Dodson is the best.......(repeat and fade)