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Song Parodies -> "Guns will Keep Us Together"

Original Song Title:

"Love will Keep Us Together"

Original Performer:

Captain and Tennille

Parody Song Title:

"Guns will Keep Us Together"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

Ode to the Second Amendment...
The NRA sings:

Guns, guns will keep us together
Been with us, like, forever
Until liberal folks came along
Sayin' it's wrong
Don't mess around, you gotta stay armed!

Stop, 'cause we really love guns
Stop, 'cause shootin' is real fun
"Only a finger can pull a trigger" causes murder

[Guns don't kill people. People kill people.]

You, you should own a rifle
Shotgun or a pistol
When those thugs come to kill, rip off your wife's gown
Or intrusive Govt clowns
Load your AK (or AR) and cut 'em all down

Oh, stop, no need to run, yeah
Stop, stand your ground and be done, yeah
Take them apart with firepower,
Never cower

Magazines loaded full
But someday your guns may be gone
Democrats want to piss you off,
Want us to be weak and not strong, kill guns
With Bills, With Bills, With Bills!

Obama and Hillary together
Two great America haters
We've said it before and we'll say it again
Our right we'll protect
We need guns now, and the Second we'll defend!

Just stop, 'cause America's a gun land
Stop, 'cause of the Peacemaker back when
Thompson's, Gatlings, and 1911s

The thrill, the thrill, the thrill

... of gun ownership and freedom

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   14

User Comments

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Jonathan - June 08, 2016 - Report this comment
if Obama wants to get rid of guns so badly he should start by making the people protecting him ditch 'em! 5's
Peter Gunn - June 08, 2016 - Report this comment
Obama and Hillary are gun haters? That's a new one on me! Democrats want to repeal the Second Amendment? Where'd you read that? Stand your ground? Tell that to Trayvon Martin's mother! Shoot down government intruders? What about their black helicopters? Liberals want to take away our shootin' irons? What liberal said that? Dems want us to be weak? Really? Why? Guns give you the thrill of freedom? Even when you're staring down the barrel of one? In case you haven't guessed what I think, I think you have written total b.s., UNLESS you mean it to be a sarcastic critique of gun fetishists. That would make this GREAT!
Rob Arndt - June 09, 2016 - Report this comment
Peter, I don't want to embarrass you over my gun history and historical facts concerning gun development, but actually, I did mix in some politics, history, and a heavy dose of sarcasm against the NRA. First Line: NRA sings, not me singing. I believe in the Second Amendment rights but do not support the NRA and their lies about American heritage with guns. Most types of firearms on the street are derived from German arms meant to kill people in constant war. These include automatic pistols, military type sporters, and Mauser action rifles. Germany invented rifling, the breech-loading rifle, the first anti-aerial gun, the first automatic pistols (single and double action), first true SMG, first AA guns, first AT guns, first GPMG, first gun pods, first assault rifles, rocket bullets, caseless ammo, etc... I started shooting at age 7 and have owned, borrowed, fired, handled, and tested several hundred guns from .22 to .338LM and everything in between. I've also seen the erosion of rights on the Left. It's a progressive agenda to deny Americans private weapons which is a freedom. I support reinforcement of current laws, stronger background checks, gun safety programs, and common sense, flagging and treating the mentally ill with no records that carry out most of these massacres with their own legally bought guns or guns taken from family members. But no one has the right to strip away my gun rights based on the actions of criminals or the insane. OTOH, an avg citizen shouldn't be able to buy military derived war weapons or .50 cal AMR or other high caliber snipers in .308 or .338LM. Even a Mauser K98 or Nagant from WW2 at Big 5 can harass police at distance. An AK or AR-15 in semi can massacre large crowds with simple sweeping actions or point and shoot. No full auto needed . These guns were never designed for private use nor are they legit hunting weapons. The Peacemaker, 1911A-1, Thompson, Gatling gun, M2, and a few other firearms ARE part of our heritage, but not the multitude of foreign and domestic arms derived from German guns of the 19th Century forward. The Second and Third Reich. And lastly, just because anyone buys guns for collecting, home defense, hunting, or target shooting doesn't make them " gun fetishists" (your words). I have had huge arsenals of firearms mixed with edged weaponry, electrical and chemical weapons. I have no criminal record and am 52 with 45 years of shooting. I used to have the entire Paladin Press book collection and can make improvised weapons too. Police don't like it when you outgun them or possess better weapons than they do. Leftist DEM social progressives don't either. And people remember Ruby Ridge and Waco. In Black neighborhoods they face militarized police. There have to be some common sense reforms on both sides to satisfy gun advocates and gun haters alike. We've seen that gun free zones actually lead to gun deaths. Only a bullet fired from another gun can take down a gunman or terrorists. Israel deals with this everyday. Rabbis carry Uzis to protect children. Jewish farmers have to dodge Palestinian snipers with rifles firing from across yards! We're not there yet, but it's coming. If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns. I say NO!
Dieter Gunn - June 09, 2016 - Report this comment
I talked to Trayvon's mother, Peter. I told her her son died because he was banging the back of George Zimmerman's head against a sidewalk, which would have led to fatal for George. It's an extremely dangerous thing to bang the back of a person's head against a hard surface. It can lead to permanent brain damage very quickly. This means that George was fully justified in shooting Trayvon on self defense grounds. The stand your ground law had nothing to do with this case. You really should stop lying about this case, but then you're a left winger, so you can't
Patrick - June 09, 2016 - Report this comment
Guns are one of those on-going controversies in the United States that will never be resolved. If Hillary is elected, there will be a two month run on firearms, the likes of which this country has never seen. There won't be a round of ammo left on the shelves. Then the NRA will call me every day asking for donations to "Stop Hillary Clinton's Gun Grab", just like they solicit me now to "Stop Obama's Gun Grab". If Donald Trump is elected, the pitch will be muted, or focused on Congress. The last time the NRA called I asked how my money could stop Obama from taking my guns. Was the NRA going to offer him a bribe or a "contribution" to his favorite charity? Obama and Clinton are both ideologues with life-time agendas and enough money from other sources, so I don't think a donation from the gun nuts is going to sway them. The guy on the phone has never been asked that question, but I think it's a good one. Old guns are more interesting to me than the plastic stuff that dominates the shows and sporting goods counters these days. A Glock is fun to shoot, but have you ever fired a .32 Smith & Wesson Number 2 Army revolver, made when Abe Lincoln was President? I have, using my own homemade .32 Rimfire black powder ammo. That was the most advanced weapon at the time Victoria was Queen of England. My Great-Grandfather was a soldier in the Mississippi Infantry at the time. Wonder how close he and that ancient revolver might have come during that war. Guns are a part of history, and if you don't have the exact history, it is fun to speculate.
Peter Gunn - June 09, 2016 - Report this comment
"If Hillary is elected, there will be a two month run on firearms, the likes of which this country has never seen. There won't be a round of ammo left on the shelves." Patrick, even coming from you, that is the most ridiculous gun-nut conspiracy theory I ever heard. On the other hand, to be on the safe side you might consider increasing your weekly contribution to the Clinton Foundation.
Rob Arndt - June 10, 2016 - Report this comment
Patrick, check out the Cabot gun made from the Gibeon Meteorite :
Patrick - June 10, 2016 - Report this comment
I worked for the Cabela's sporting goods store during the Christmas season after Sandy Hook. Sold as many as 25 guns in one day. .22, .380, 9mm and a lot of other calibers could not be found for months. .22 is still scarce, and very expensive. This is not a "conspiracy theory", this is a prediction based on previous observation. Guns are selling at the highest rates in history, month after month. One may question the wisdom or the need for all these weapons, but that they are selling is a fact. Just looked up the Cabot Meteorite 1911's. Really cool. I can just see Hillary Clinton drooling over the chance to throw them into a Gary, Indiana blast furnace. Only to find that due to taxes and EPA regulations, the steel mills all closed and moved to China.
Peter Gunn - June 10, 2016 - Report this comment
I can believe that, after Sandy Hook, hysterical gun worshippers were afraid that, somehow, Obama would confiscate or restrict the sale of guns. But why are guns selling like hotcakes in advance of the election? Because buyers are afraid that Hillary will melt down their beloved firearms? That's insane! This is a tripartite government, and the president does not have absolute authority. The Second Amendment is safe.
I suggest that the current run on guns indicates, more than any poll, the belief by the Great Unwashed that Hillary is the favored candidate.
Dieter Gunn - June 11, 2016 - Report this comment
The Tripartite Government of the People's Democratic Province of California has now decreed that you can't carry concealed weapons; previously it has opined that you cant carry them openly. Which just goes to show you how hysterical the gun fetishists are when they say the Second Amendment is under assault. Of course you can still bear arms in California -- you just cant do it in circumstances where they can be seen or where they cant be seen
Peter Gunn - June 11, 2016 - Report this comment
In D.C. v. Heller (2008), the Supreme Court held that the Second Amendment protects an individual right to possess firearms for lawful use, such as self-defense, IN THE HOME (emphasis mine).
The Second Amendment right is not absolute and a wide range of gun control laws remain “presumptively lawful,” according to the Court. These include laws that (1) PROHIBIT CARRYING CONCEALED WEAPONS (emphasis mine), (2) prohibit gun possession by felons or the mentally retarded, (3) prohibit carrying firearms in sensitive places such as schools and government buildings, (4) impose “conditions and qualifications on the commercial sale of arms,” (5) prohibit “dangerous and unusual weapons,” and (6) regulate firearm storage to prevent accidents. Justice Scalia wrote the majority opinion, which struck down onerous restrictions on gun storage at home. He was joined by Justices Alito, Kennedy, Roberts, and Thomas.
The dissenting opinion held that the possession of arms is allowed only in the context of military service.
Still, all this is not enough license for the Wild West gun fetishists and the Chicago gun slingers.
Rob Arndt - June 11, 2016 - Report this comment
DG, I live in California and there are plenty of people with Concealed Carry permits.
Sarah Palindrome - June 12, 2016 - Report this comment
1) "NRA? Darn." 2) "Gun-swept pew? Snug." 3) "Rev. Lover gulps, 'Plug revolver'."

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