Chorus:
Blind date Friday night, wrecked up like a douche
Another ruler on the right
Blind date Friday Night (repeat)

Madman dumber plumbers, engine's in the Hummer
With a teenage acrobat
And some chump's at the pumps, with some convalescent mumps
Away to the laundry mat
With a gopher on my shoulder, feeling like a loner
I tripped and fell to the ground
And with Mary so pleasing, teasing and squeezing
Some guy I see passed on a round

(Chorus)

Some hurricane twister, with the group Twisted Sister
Told me I've got carrot cake
She said, I'll turn you on honey with some good thong
Play along with a stomach ache
And Wal-Mart's go-karts was checking for some better parts
To see if I would shave my hide
And Laverne and Shirley made my anus a little squirrely
And asked me if I peed outside

(chorus)

Mama always told me not to cook all the fries for too long
But Mama, where's all the hummice?

Some Flintstone Coppertone stayed at home rolling bones
Number Of The Beast
Says Steve threw his cell phone, tried to get a money loan
That's when they heckled me
And some hormoned muscle tone was screwing up my order
Getting a cash advance
And some ozone kidney stone was playing in the loading zone
Reminding him of his pants
Some guy I see passed on a round

(chorus)