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Song Parodies -> "Keno Shuffle"

Original Song Title:

"Lido Shuffle"

Original Performer:

Boz Scaggs

Parody Song Title:

"Keno Shuffle"

Parody Written by:

Warren Baker

The Lyrics

I go to Vegas every year, and every year I see all of the retirees either playing the slots or sitting in small desks playing Keno. If you're not familiar with Keno, it's a simple numbers game that easily has the worst odds of winning on the strip. But it's so easy to play, you can lose money very quickly. If you're planning on gambling in Vegas, don't try the Keno.
See old miss and mister’s play
With paper stacks
And wait for number hits
To win their money back

In a hotel bar
Near the roulette czars
Behind the slots
They nibble chips and down
A glass or two of schnapps

They plop fives down,
Keno starts another round,
Granny groans
She says “One more game, need a winner.
Need to pay for my dinner.”
Diggin’ a hole

Woe woe woe woes
She’s losin’ money
She’s goin’ broke
Keno’s a thing you should forgo
Say ‘no, no, no!’
They say
“One more ball, gonna draw it.
One more ball, then I’ll call it."
Throw cash in a hole.

Keno be somethin’
For the old and young
If’n you got the dough.
Thinkin’ bide your time will win it
And earn a fine C note
You’ll be cryin’ in your Smirnoff
Sellin’ all your common stock
Sellin’ your boat
“One more game, then I’ll quit it.
Got me hooked, I admit it.”
You’re diggin’ a hole.

Don’t want to go
It’s like the honey
Sweet from the comb
Keno’s the bee that sees you prone
Go see a show, whoa whoa
And you
Worked real hard for your wages
Don’t go blow it in Vegas
Don’t dig you a hole.
Copyright 2010 Warren Baker. More parodies, poems, and plights of fancy at The Blogging Baker.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   3

User Comments

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AFW - October 07, 2010 - Report this comment
You sum up the casino scene pretty well...sometimes guilty of that, myself...not Keno, but various slots...good job, here
Tommy Turtle - October 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Most State lotteries have even worse odds. .... Too bad Blackjack21 (the writer) isn't still here. He could teach you card counting (as in the movie "Rain Man") and if you're good, and don't get caught, you can win. (He claims to.) ... Otherwise, either blackjack or craps still offer much better odds than Keno, and you don't have to know anything to play craps -- so why play Keno?

Well, still a funny story. Hope your number is 555, cuz that's what came up.
WarrenB - October 07, 2010 - Report this comment
AFW- I actually play roulette, which is about as easy to win consistently as Keno. I'm exagerating just a tad on losses by Keno players, but I've seen some of the elder folk sitting in their little desks for hours and hours trying to get the numbers to work for them. Thanks for the v/c.
TT- And where is that noble BlackJack? I miss his clever writes. But I'm tickled you dropped by for a comment, TT. And I think one's odds at winning at Keno are akin to me winning an Iron Man Triatholon. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a date with a donut...
Old Man Ribber - October 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Keno is like a lottery every 15 minutes (or on a video machine). I like it...and I like this parody, Warren. ;D

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