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Song Parodies -> "Naming Of The Cards"

Original Song Title:

"Changing Of The Guards"

Original Performer:

Bob Dylan

Parody Song Title:

"Naming Of The Cards"

Parody Written by:

Teddy Porterhouse

The Lyrics

Donna vs Teddy: The Musical
Act I Scene 2
Teddy counters with his take on Tarot cards

There are several references to Tarot cards in the OS lyrics, most notably "the King and the Queen of Swords."
This parody contains references to all 78 Tarot cards in the Ryder-Waite deck.

Note: Caps were used for the card names to make it easier to spot them.
Mixing cards (mixing cards)
Mixing Tarot, excited
Covert the deal (covert the deal). There the good Strength stirs zeal
Emperor's men (Emperor's men), Empress's women decided
Pentacles King (Pentacles King), Queen of Wands revealed

Fortune's Wheel (Fortune's Wheel)
I check... for arcana
Knight of Pentacles (Pentacles) irks the Wands Three, Justice has power
The Cups Three's gone down (Cups Three's gone down). It's telling Swords Knight to channel
Pair the Cups Four (pair the Cups Four) with Pentacles Queen near the Tower

The Swords One with Moon (Swords One with Moon)
The Cups Ten waits for coven's divination
Pentacles One (Pentacles One) grouped with Pentacles Page
The restless Swords Page (restless Swords Page) is beyond consideration
The Wands Six is down, instills belief in what the Lovers will presage

The Page of Wands (Page of Wands)
He implores Three of Pentacles and what follows
Hierophant arrives (-erophant arrives) with the Cups Knight in view
I see him draw the pair (see him draw the pair). And my Cups Nine makes me swallow
Pentacles Four, then the Wands One and the Pentacles Two

The Judgment is complete (Judgment is complete)
I grunt at the Wands Five and Cups Seven
The Magician's still pending 'neath the Hanged Man's tattoo
Then the High Priest- (then the High Priest)-ess censures the high heavens
For handing out the Swords cards: the Five, Seven and Two

The malice of seers (malice of seers)
The Wands Seven is deceptive
Swords Six is low (Six is low) and the Wands King is prime
Swords Ten means gloom (Ten means gloom), but the Chariot is protective
Where the Devil's choice of Wands Two skews the Fool and Pentacles Nine

The Page of Cups (Page of Cups)
Four and Eight of Swords waver, the Sun is blazing
Pentacles Eight (-tacles Eight), Five and Seven do trouble men
The Ten of Wands shows (Ten of Wands shows) Cups Six what he now will be praising
He's pulling Cups Eight and needs Cups King 'cause of the Pentacles Ten

Temperance, he says (Temperance, he says)
I don't need no Four or Nine, Eight Wands
The Nine of Swords (Nine of Swords) or Two of Cups cards. I want the Star
But heeding the Hermit (heeding the Hermit), either prep table with Three of Swords laid on
Or else your bar must be refurbished for the naming of the cards

Queen of Cups (Queen of Cups)
Six of Pentacles portends where
Yon the World conspires (World conspires), but the Cups Five means remorse
When the Wands Knight does fall (Wands Knight does fall) and cruel Death descends there
With the Cups One retreating between the King and the Queen of Swords

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