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Song Parodies -> "The Ballad of the Blue Blur"

Original Song Title:

"Hurricane"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Bob Dylan

Parody Song Title:

"The Ballad of the Blue Blur"

Parody Written by:

Dylan Baranski

The Lyrics

To cap off "Sonic the Hedgehog Month", I decided to do something truly epic that would take a look back on the story so far. Note that there are some spoilers in this parody, so if you don't want any of the Sonic games to be spoiled for you, please turn away and check out another parody. Otherwise, enjoy the parody!
Blue streak speedin’ by on that South Island,
Enter Sonic the Hedgehog in the Green Hill Zone,
He sees Doc Robotnik in an Eggmobile,
Cries out, “Hey Doc, gimme that stone!”
Here comes the Ballad of the Blue Blur,
Hedgehog with an engine that really purrs.
He’s someone that you can count on,
Outsold by Mario; despite that, this cat is still
The Fastest Thing Alive!

A young fox flying there does Sonic see,
And another cat named Knuckles lookin’ at him so angrily.
“There’s Little Planet!” he says, and he meets Amy Rose,
“I got no time to hang with the ladies,” he says, and then he goes.
“I got two cartoons!?” he says; his jaw drops,
“I got two comic books and lollipops!?”
And so, Sonic’s a cash crop,
And he’s arrived on the scene with his friends all dashing
Around the whole damn planet.

Meanwhile, far away in the city Station Square,
Sonic, Amy, and a couple of friends are layin’ it bare,
Then some cat named Shadow who thinks life is unfair
Teams up with a bat named Rouge who’s holdin’ such a nice pair.
G.U.N. holds Sonic up in a city that’s cold as ice,
They take him to prison and they let Sonic rot.
In Station Square, sometimes things ain’t so nice,
But he’s back, and now he’s runnin’ around on the streets
And he really brings the heat.

Miles Prower was his brother, but they always knew him as “Tails”,
Them and Knuckles the Echidna team up and they never fail.
Tails said, “I saw Shadow running there with Rouge and some robot,
And there’s Amy with new friends; their trail must be real hot.”
And ol’ Sonic the Hedgehog just nodded his head,
Then said, “Who are those cats I see ahead?”
And it turned out they’re called the Chaotix,
And then, all four teams got their kicks,
They showed Robotnik that Metal Sonic was rusty, man.

In the land of Sol, Sonic goes rushin’ in,
He meets Princess Blaze the Cat, and they travel the seas.
Doctor Eggman looks up and he gets a surprise,
Says “Why’d you bring her over here!? I’ll be capsized!”
Here’s the Ballad of the Blue Blur,
Hedgehog with an engine that really purrs.
He’s someone that you can count on,
Outsold by Mario; despite that, this cat is still
The Fastest Thing Alive!

Around this time, the planet is in flames,
Shadow’s in South Westopolis, haunted by his name,
While Ol’ Sonic the Hedgehog’s still in the big hero game,
And Black Doom’s puttin’ the screws to him, lookin’ for some Emeralds to claim.
“Remember that murder that had happened on the ARK?
Remember your friends who said that they’re with Team Dark?
I think I’d like to destroy all of them!”
Black Doom mighta been his father, but Shadow knew not to crack
Though his quills were red and black.

Ol’ Sonic the Hedgehog went to Soleanna,
Silver said, “Because of you, my future’s bleak!”
He didn’t know that Silver was bein’ played by this cat Mephiles,
Who just wanted to reunite with his strength, which was called Iblis.
And Elise cried when Sonic’s world went black,
That son of a bitch Mephiles stabbed his back.
But his friends brought him back to life,
And though Solaris took a mighty big fall,
Trip didn’t happen at all.

Eggman made the planet split with one mean spell,
He put Sonic through the meanest sort of a living hell,
Eggmanland, he tried, and he tried that crap twice,
When it was over, the Wisps told him to just play nice.
Chip was some kind of weird,
But he taught Sonic he shouldn’t be feared.
And there were no copyright laws
That coulda sent him to the jailhouse,
Let’s face it: that ol’ Eggman really seems soused!

All of Sonic’s friends were celebratin’,
The party was his birthday bash, and it was so elatin’.
That cat Robotnik messed around with all time and space,
To get their friends all back, Sonic and Tails had to get on his case.
And to their old selves, they were some crazy suckers,
Though they knew they weren’t out-of-luckers.
And though they could have a lot of fun,
Ol’ Sonic said he had to run; his friends had need
For his famously super speed.

Sonic and Tails found a Lost Hex,
The place was murder, man, they were really vexed.
Eggman had joined them to stop the Deadly Six,
And those jive turkeys tried to put Sonic in a fix.
How can the life of one hedgehog
Keep on goin’ through sun and fog?
To see him runnin’ up the wall
Makes me think he’s got some gall; but he’ll do what he can to
Keep justice standin’ tall.

Now that cat Infinite in his mask really tried
To alter reality, but his Ruby died.
The Forces led by Sonic gave him lots of hell,
The Mania kept on and he was quelled.
Yes, that’s the Ballad of the Blue Blur,
And it won’t be over; he won’t be deterred.
And still, he can be counted on,
Outsold by Mario; despite that, this cat is still
The Fastest Thing Alive!
TIMELINE EXPLANATION:

Stanza 1 is about the first Sonic the Hedgehog game.
Stanza 2 references "Sonic the Hedgehog 2", "Sonic the Hedgehog 3"/"Sonic & Knuckles", "Sonic CD", plus the cartoons "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" and "Sonic the Hedgehog" (often known as "Sonic SatAM") as well as Archie Comics' "Sonic the Hedgehog" series and the UK "Sonic the Comic".
Stanza 3 is about "Sonic Adventure" and "Sonic Adventure 2".
Stanza 4 is about "Sonic Heroes".
Stanza 5 is about "Sonic Rush" and "Sonic Rush Adventure".
Stanza 6 is about "Shadow the Hedgehog".
Stanza 7 is about "Sonic the Hedgehog (2006)", commonly known as "Sonic '06".
Stanza 8 is about "Sonic Unleashed" and "Sonic Colors".
Stanza 9 is about "Sonic Generations".
Stanza 10 is about "Sonic Lost World".
Stanza 11 is about "Sonic Forces" and "Sonic Mania".

Copyright 2020 by Dylan Baranski GmbH S.p.A. Inc. Misuse is punishable by getting put in a prison cell.

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