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Song Parodies -> "Len's Lost Love Lament"

Original Song Title:

"Shelter From The Storm"

Original Performer:

Bob Dylan

Parody Song Title:

"Len's Lost Love Lament"

Parody Written by:

Calllmelennie

The Lyrics

There seems to be a unofficial thread here at Amiright of romantic misadventures rendered in epic terms. Here's mine. About a year ago, I got into a four hour conversation on dating site with a lady who seemed to be my perfect soul mate. I was at the point where I thought I had found the love of my life when suddenly she said I wasn't the one for her and just ... disappeared. Then I blew it by firing off an angry E-Mail demanding to know why, which caused her to block me. An emotional roller coaster to say the least ....... I actually did this before in February under a different name, but I was so broken up at the time that it was pretty humorless. This time, I've woven in some good jokes to go along with the pathos and the sweet sentiments ..... cause I'm still hopelessly pining for her.
Twas in another lifetime, one of hopes and dreams
When darkness was a faint hue, its shroud as yet unseen
Went all in for married bliss, it was asunder torn
"Done in" I said, "Please give me"
Shelter from the storm

And if I fail her test again, she can rest assured
I'll never be a pest to her, 'cause that would be absurd
In a world of unrequited love, man, her light will keep me warm
As I press on my quest for
Shelter from the storm

Not a joke's been cracked in this song, just words on her behalf
Not a thing up to this point has really made you lalf
Try imagining that soon guffaws cascade by swarm
Starts in, I vow, next stanza of
Shelter from the storm

I was wound up from privation, chat lines were a fail
Spoilin' for some tushes, broken teeth repelled
Shunted like a Gomer Pyle, LAUGHED AT like a Norm
"Enough", I growled, "Just give me"
Shelter from the storm

Then I clicked upon her profile and she was standing there
With love's embrace for her two kids* and wispy reddish hair
She texted me up so gracefully and roused my dog of horns
"Come in" she said "Might give ya"
Shelter from the storm

Now there's a wall between us, thinks she's being played
Too blatant in advances, no chance now to get laid*
Made a stink with A-hole rant that made her shut the door
"Please go" she said "Cant give ya"
Shelter from the storm

Well, she spoke testily of hard males; soft creatures they would mount
But that no longer matters much, not poon alone that counts
And the One Eyed Babymaker, he blows to futile porn
"Denied" it groused, "Wont get no"
Shelter in the warm

Oh I heard my two babies laugh like gifts sent from above
And now I'm old with zippered chest and stranded without love
Can you understand my question, friends, can first love be reborn
Or will we search our whole lives
For shelter from the storm

In spite of the chat box pillage, my love for her still grows
I'm doubting its cessation, not e'en in final throes
And in my plotted patch of earth, my bonehead move I'll mourn
So close was I to finding
My shelter from the storm

Now I'm entering the final stanza, and I'm bound to write three lines
Her beauty stays inside my head, I pray that she'll be fine
If only we could turn back the clock to when chat faux pas were formed
No need for me to snivel
'Bout shelter from the storm
*Describing a beautiful family photo in her profile. .... *I categorically deny the scurrilous charges that I'm levying against myself in this stanza. I was NOT playing her -- Although I will cop to a charge of being an A-hole in the second degree

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Total Votes: 23

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User Comments

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Callmelennie - November 24, 2015 - Report this comment
Tip of the Quill to Amiright old-timer Rick Duncan for an assist on the best line in the song .... and I'm sure you can guess which one I'm talking about
Rob Arndt - November 24, 2015 - Report this comment
Sorry CML. I know that pain :-(
Callmelennie - November 24, 2015 - Report this comment
Thanks, Rob, it seems romantic misadventures are a hall mark of song parodists, or perhaps they make for good song parodies. Strangely enough, my recent medical travails have taken the edge off this episode. Because if we had come together, my medical problems would have been inflicted on her ...... And I'm not necessarily as morose as the song indicates; if you are tracking the OS, it will take you in a certain direction and let you make a very sweet statement about the sadness of missing a love connection (eg, Stanza VIII)
Patrick - November 25, 2015 - Report this comment
Know the feeling. The melody came back to me as I was reading your lyrics. The challenge of working with Dylan is often the sheer length. But, it appears you had plenty of material to work with. "One-Eyed ..." line is a masterpiece. Security code "MFU", which can mean several things.
Callmelennie - November 25, 2015 - Report this comment
Yeah, Patrick it's not too often that a sub encompasses the entire term of a person's existence, from "the spurt to the dirt", as the not-very-old saying goes. Must give credit to Rick Duncan for the first part; but the second part is all mine. Here's hoping Rick sees it
Callmelennie - December 03, 2015 - Report this comment
The line "broken teeth repelled", illustrative of why ... "chat lines were a fail" ... doesn't actually come from my personal experience but from the experience of a certain oldest brother of mine -- who told me he encountered a few women with missing teeth after resorting to chat lines .... At which point, I sagely opined, "Well, Elder Bro, I think the lesson to be learned here is -- in a dating world where women have the ability to show off their faces -- ya gotta wonder about those who dont."

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