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Song Parodies -> "Don't Fear The Ropers"

Original Song Title:

"Don't Fear The Reaper"

Original Performer:

Blue Oyster Cult

Parody Song Title:

"Don't Fear The Ropers"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Three's Company's on
Stan won't mow Helen's Lawn
The reasons are plain to think of
(She's old and wrinkled everywhere)
She has a screechy voice
(She's prying and demanding)
Come on Chrissy - don't fear the Ropers
Janet understands - don't smear the Ropers
Jack, they know you're not gay - can't queer the Ropers
It's swingin' 70s LA

Larry's comin' on
To Chrissy, but she's gone
Cindy is their new roommate
She bumps and stumbles everywhere
(She lost a nail in Jack's bundt cake)
She tripped over the Ottoman
(That's Dick Van Dyke)
Said she tripped over the Ottoman!
(No, that's Dick Van Dyke!)
She sewed holes in Jan's dress
Come on Cindy - Stan wants to rope ya
You know Stan's your man
(He's been plumbing a long time)
His wife's neck's stuck in the fan

Jack's souffle is done
Eat before it's gone
Stanley and Helena
Own the complex for eternity
(What about Mr. Furley?)
That's another show
(What about Mr. Furley?)
That's another song!
40 thousand drinks the Regal Beagle made
40 thousand lines that fail Lar each day
Another 40 thou in rent stashed away
So come on, Stanley
(You never take your wife dancin')
You ignore her feelings
(You never take her out shoppin')
You never buy her pretty things
Come on, Stanley - rope in Mrs. Roper

Two plus one is fun
When two gals get it on
Came the last night of hijinks
Of misunderstanding eavesdropped things people said
Then the door flew open and Terri appeared
Larry's chest hair revolted and grew a beard
The windows raised to let Stan get near
Saying, "Where's my rent check?"
([Yawn] Why you here at this hour?)
"Jack, you ain't gay!"
(Why Mr. Roper!)
"You three are lezzies! You know I won't go away!"

So Jan, Cin, and Ter ran to him
(They had taken his hands)
And Stan made them a bargain
(They did him and each other)
And Jack wound up packin'
(Booted out on his ass)
Now he's chased by Lana, the drunken slut
So come on Janet - don't fear the Ropers
Come on Cindy - get near the Ropers
Come on Terry - listen to the Ropers
"You gals and Chrissy - time for Roper Poker.
We'll love and die in LA!"

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   11

User Comments

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Jack Wilson - February 06, 2007 - Report this comment
Fives company,three.
alvin rhodes - February 06, 2007 - Report this comment
laughin' before i even got to the song
Tommy Turtle - February 06, 2007 - Report this comment
Had forgotten the name and reference, so didn't know what to expect... All good, but that last line, OMG!! Just saw that movie on the tube the other day -- nice switch ending! A Threesome of Fives.
Ann Hammond - February 06, 2007 - Report this comment
I too was laughing from the title
PMS - February 06, 2007 - Report this comment
The title roped me in and the song was very funny!
John Barry - February 06, 2007 - Report this comment
A tour-de-force tour of tubeland!
2Eagle - February 06, 2007 - Report this comment
I had to read this because 3's Co. was one of my favorites. Loved it.
Yoidy - February 06, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks Jack, Al, Tom, Ann, PMS, John B, 2Eagle. So far, I feel that 8 is company too!
Below Average Dave - February 06, 2007 - Report this comment
"Two plus one is fun When two gals get it on" Oi Vey--3 very dirty 5s Yoidy, very very dirty fives
Meriadoc - February 06, 2007 - Report this comment
I read the title and thought - naw - it couldn't be. It was. Very funny job!
Yoidy - February 06, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks Dave and Meriadoc!
Michael Pacholek - February 07, 2007 - Report this comment
"They're really a very nice couple. Except for him. And her." -- Jeffrey Tambor, playing the landlord in the spinoff series. Like "AfterMASH," "The Ropers" didn't last too long. I wonder if someone can do "The Ropers" to "The Joker" by Steve Miller.

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