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Song Parodies -> "Can't Close My Zipper"

Original Song Title:

"Don't Fear The Reaper"

Original Performer:

Blue Oyster Cult

Parody Song Title:

"Can't Close My Zipper"

Parody Written by:

Paul Robinson

The Lyrics

Getting ready for a big Holiday Meal? Keep this in mind, friends...Seriously, Happy & Safe Holidays to all... Lyrics in {brackets} are sung during the "la, la-la, la-la" parts of the song. Lyrics in (parentheses) are the background vocals that follow most lead vocal lines in this song.
[instrumental intro]

Christmas time has come
Time for food and fun

Parties and Family dinners
We often eat too much; get gas pain

(Hon, where's the "Di-gel'?)
Too much gravy
(and the paprika)
I ate too much ham
(ate six big pieces)
Now I can't close my fly
(see a new rip there)
Next time skip the yams

{Full of ham and yams}
{Stomach; it feels jammed}

[instrumental break]

Finally found some "Tums'
bloating; it's gone down

Driving home I do lament
that I have to watch what I do eat
(As I moan I do lament)

Those four-course meals I just can't eat everyday
(It can be done to some extent)
I ate more than a horse does; now I pay
(My guts feel awful; got gas, Oy Vey!)
I hope that by tomorrow I'll be OK
(Or my plans will be marred)
Ham was sav'ry
(from the paprika)
tasty were those yams
(Good beer; not cheap suds)
Maybe I'll have to diet
(Can't close my zipper)
Walking like my Dad

{Lug my ass around}
{Put on twenty pounds}

[instrumental break]

Real good food is fun
Hard to turn it down
Ate too much food
here last night
Now this morning ; can't get my pants on

My pants are open
zipper will not close
Love handles; new
man, that really blows
My waist-line grew
and it really shows
(Won't say how much I weigh)
It's frustrating
(need to cut down on beer)
I need to get slim
(Still can't close my damn fly)
'Cause my damn gut is in the way
(My stomach is a tub of lard)
Gotta cut back on ham
(I struggle getting in car)
This I'm hating
(Think I'll skip dinner)

[Instrumentals out to Fade]

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   11

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Johnny D - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
555, ho, ho, HO!
alvin rhodes - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
great job on a tough song
Paul Robinson - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, JD...hope things are jolly in your neck of the woods. Thanks, alvin ~ ~ ~
Tommy Turtle - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
I was expecting a different reason why you couldn't close your zipper (especially from you, Paul lol)... maybe a hot chick at dinner... there's an idea for a follow-up for ya. DKTOS, but funny, and trust Johnny D and alvin on the pacing. 555 lbs.
Phil Alexander - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Excellent idea for a title sub, beautifully done, Paul
Paul Robinson - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
TT & Phil - Thank you! TT - I could act deeply hurt at the suggestion that I might be known more for my sleazy works than my depth of feeling & timeless profundity, etc., but what the f*ck, right? Sensitive, artistic types have to expect to suffer...
Jason - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Great Job! Reminds me of the Police Academy films (The Blue Oyster gay bar!)
Meriadoc - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
I too was expecting something more salacious... ;-)
Adagio - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Ha!! Genuinly funny!! 5's
AFW - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Too much of the good stuff, is not always good stuff...
Paul Robinson - December 25, 2006 - Report this comment
Jason, Mer, Pat, & AFW - Thanks! Hope you all enjoy your Holiday Feast today and that it doesn't end up requiring a Post-Holiday Fast to get yourself back into parody writing shape ~ ~ ~

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