[instrumental intro]

Christmas time has come
Time for food and fun

Parties and Family dinners
We often eat too much; get gas pain

(Hon, where's the "Di-gel'?)
Too much gravy
(and the paprika)
I ate too much ham
(ate six big pieces)
Now I can't close my fly
(see a new rip there)
Next time skip the yams

{Full of ham and yams}
{Stomach; it feels jammed}

[instrumental break]

Finally found some "Tums'
bloating; it's gone down

Driving home I do lament
that I have to watch what I do eat
(As I moan I do lament)

Those four-course meals I just can't eat everyday
(It can be done to some extent)
I ate more than a horse does; now I pay
(My guts feel awful; got gas, Oy Vey!)
I hope that by tomorrow I'll be OK
(Or my plans will be marred)
Ham was sav'ry
(from the paprika)
tasty were those yams
(Good beer; not cheap suds)
Maybe I'll have to diet
(Can't close my zipper)
Walking like my Dad

{Lug my ass around}
{Put on twenty pounds}

[instrumental break]

Real good food is fun
Hard to turn it down
Ate too much food
here last night
Now this morning ; can't get my pants on

My pants are open
zipper will not close
Love handles; new
man, that really blows
My waist-line grew
and it really shows
(Won't say how much I weigh)
It's frustrating
(need to cut down on beer)
I need to get slim
(Still can't close my damn fly)
'Cause my damn gut is in the way
(My stomach is a tub of lard)
Gotta cut back on ham
(I struggle getting in car)
This I'm hating
(Think I'll skip dinner)

[Instrumentals out to Fade]