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Song Parodies -> "The Douchebag Waltz"

Original Song Title:

"She’s Always A Woman "

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"The Douchebag Waltz"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

YouTube is filled with videos of “hilarious” guys endlessly playing pranks on their amazingly tolerant better halves. This is a tribute to these comedic geniuses
Now my wife's getting riled, coz I'm quite juvenile
I just dropped a loud fart in the cereal aisle
And when shoppers turned 'round, I proclaimed "it was she!"
I'll pay for it later; my missus is cheesed off with me

Since we first fell in love, my girl's patience I've tested
Had my cop buddy call, say "your dad's been arrested"
As she rushed to the station, I giggled with glee
It was totally worth my exile on the couch for a week

Oh...hide her purse on high shelf
Replace sugar with salt
Pour hot sauce in her wine
Oh...though she’s chewing me out
I won’t ever give in
I love crossing her line....

I will turn off the light when I know that she's readin'
For her birthday I bought her a sex doll from Sweden
And our romantic dinner was at Maccy D's
Well, I thought it was funny but now she's not talking to me

Oh...she's dressed up as an elf
Coz her invite I swapped
And the party's black tie
Oh...if you have any doubt
Who's the world's biggest d*ck
Rest assured; I'm your guy!

Swapped her sunscreen for ranch while she played in the surf
Shower-head filled with blue dye; she looked like a Smurf
Online sale of her panties, cockroach in her Brie
But she didn't get cross, she just slept with my boss
Fair enough...well played, dear: you got me!

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   14

User Comments

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Matthias - March 30, 2018 - Report this comment
Beautifully crafted! That ending though... Ouch! At least the guy is a good sport about it the divorce proceedings should be a laugh riot.
Agrimorfee - March 30, 2018 - Report this comment
A joke or two per each line is a Kristof specialty. This is a marriage in trouble! 555
JAB - March 30, 2018 - Report this comment
A litany of frivolity.
Peregrin - March 30, 2018 - Report this comment
Nice and understated, the mirth just kept adding, little by little, until the killer blow at the end. Thoroughly enjoyable, unless one is married to Kristof!
Claude Prez - March 30, 2018 - Report this comment
I very nearly did "Uptight Girl", about a woman who doesn't appreciate her guy's "hilarious" sense of fact, I'm just gonna shamelessly paste my planned intro comments here since I'm loving the coincidence:

I do not understand these YouTube Prank War couples - Here's how that sort of thing would go at my house:

Me: Dump wheelbarrow full of chocolate pudding or something on her while sleeping, upload video of myself cackling like a giant douchebag who thinks he's a brilliant comic genius.

Her: Hire lawyer whose fees would make Johnny Cochrane blush in his grave, upload video of me trying on fashionable new spring line of Hefty bags

Anyway, agree with everyone else: great stuff, it just got better and better. And I assume the sex doll was female.
Stuart McArthur - March 30, 2018 - Report this comment
Hahaha, laughed all the way through. Classic Kristof, and gags aplenty. From the first couplet I knew I was in for a good time, but they just kept coming. I'll sum up my fave bits with a word each: arrested, high shelf, readin/Sweden (LOL), surf/Smurf (anything ending in smurf is automatically funny), panties, and the payback switcheroo. A keeper. Hope the Hawks don't perform as well as you do next Sunday. 555
Peter Andersson - March 31, 2018 - Report this comment
To the best of my knowledge there are no sex dolls manufactured in Sweden - and our feminist government's internet and thought police is due to outlaw cisgender sex, toys, comments, marriages and the word itself any day now anyways.
Phil Alexander - April 01, 2018 - Report this comment
Wonderful stuff... This is autobiographical, right?
DoRitos - April 01, 2018 - Report this comment
Kristof - After all these years you are like a vintage wine. You age well & just keep on getting better. I have always admired your skill, expert word smithing and extreme (meant in a good way) sense of humour. (Sic). I really meant humor but this is so good I used the Brit spelling for you to show my appreciation.

Can't say what my fave part is in this one, like the TV series "Better Call Saul" starring Bob Odenkirk and Jonathan Banks; Jimmy McGill's AKA Saul Goodman comes to mind about faves. Its just that Saul Good Man. Another AKA of Jimmy McGill was "Slippin' Jimmy"

I still remember a parody that I wrote called Poison IV (OS Poison Ivy by The Coasters). It dealt with lethal injection and you admonished me for writing it. Never thought about England's history and the Tower of London and the current British view on capital punishment.

I took it in stride. You taught me something and I thank you for that. But on the other hand Alvin "Bates the Morbid" Rhodes howled about it.

It's merely a cultural difference of sorts.

I've gotten the itch to write again so you may see me here. I need 48 more parodies to hit the 1K mark on my numbers. Already have a funny one in mind. Hope we can be friends when I start to publish again. Might take me a bit to get back up to snuff since it has been a good six years since my last parody posted.

Again, about this parody it's all good man. Keep up the great work Kristof. This is a 5 pranker if there ever was one.
Andy Primus - April 01, 2018 - Report this comment
Many funny lines & good pacing.The romantic dinner line made me laugh. Asked the missus where she wanted to go for her last birthday feast & she chose KFC. Gotta go with what you fancy on the day. Party lines reminded me of Fools & Horses Batman & Robin.
Dee Range - February 04, 2020 - Report this comment
Have yet to see one of parodies that didn't have: Perfect pacing LOL lines one after another Perfect ending Just another typical MASTERPIECE!!!

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