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Song Parodies -> "She's Always a Vogon"

Original Song Title:

"She's Always a Woman"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"She's Always a Vogon"

Parody Written by:

Warren Baker

The Lyrics

According to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Vogons are one of the most unpleasant races in the galaxy. And if you're a fan of Douglas Adams, you'll recognize the descriptions below.
She can kill with red tape
With a stall she’ll devise
She will oft promulgate,
Till you sense your demise.
And don’t try to appeal
For she won’t hear your plea
She’s cold and reviled
Cause she’s always a Vogon to me.

She will lead you along
She will flail and demean you
She is dry as vermouth
And she’ll never believe you
And her words are not soothing,
Abrasive they be
Yeah, from her, no relief
Cause, alas, she’s not human you see

Oh- if she’s near, go seek help
She berates when she wants
Her skin is like slime
Oh- all the rules she will spout
All the rules she will spin
She just lives to malign

And she’ll chide and she’ll bore
As you hope she stops breathin’
Then she’ll say she’s a poet
And you’ll pray for a healin’
She’ll recite you her best
Then for death you will plead
Say goodbye mental health
Cause her verse curses all poetry

Oh- can you feel your brain melt?
You will pray to get shot
Or be strung up with twine.
Oh- she spews things from her mouth
And they run down her chin
She is not so refined.

She’s infrequently kind
And bad tempered and cruel
And the bile she releases
Is dung beetle fuel
You’ll find she’s addicted
To bureaucracy
And then when she is through
There’s not much left of you
Yes, she’s always a Vogon you see.
More delightful wretchedness awaits at The Blogging Baker. Copyright 2010 Warren Baker.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   5

User Comments

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Phil Nelson - March 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Vivid imagery. Never read it but thought the parody was great. It's a Billy Joel trio today with mine and two others in a row!
Warren Baker - March 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks, Phil. I was pretty sure most readers wouldn't know, or want to know, what a Vogon is. so I certainly do appreciate that vote and comments.
And it is pretty weird having Billy Joel day today at AIR.
Nancy Pelosi - March 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Why, thank you for the nice tribute, Mr. Baker! I'd laugh at it if I could, but I can't even smile -- oh, well. You've captured the "real me" perfectly -- in spite of what that nasty turtle said about us today! I award you a $555 million stimulus package, to be paid for by your grandchildren!
Fiddlegirl - March 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Another fabulous bit of creative wordsmithing! Love those Joel tunes... and those Baker parodies! :)
Warren Baker - March 05, 2010 - Report this comment
Speaker Pelosi- I'm honored with your comment, and so surprised you know poetry!
FG- Thanks so much for the v/c! You're very encouraging.
Mark Scotti - March 05, 2010 - Report this comment
One of my favorite books! Great job!
Warren Baker - March 05, 2010 - Report this comment
Mark- A personal fave of mine, too. Very sad when Douglas passed away, but very glad he left a hilarious legacy. Thanks for the v/c.
Old Man Ribber - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Apologies, Warren...I missed this when it was first posted. I AM a Douglas Adams fan, and LOVE this. To make amends, you are welcome at my regular table in The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe. I'll introduce you my friend Slartabartfast (sp?), but his name isn't important! 555 'Trillian points!
Phil Alexander - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Missed this first time around.. so either die in the vacuum of space, or..

..tell me how good you thought this parody was.

You could almost see how it counterpoints the surrealism of the underlying metaphor, through the medium of the verse structure to sublimate this, transcend that and come to terms with the fundamental dichotomies of the other. Or something like that.
Warren Baker - March 09, 2010 - Report this comment
OMR- No worries, and if you can find a pangalacticgargleblaster, you're on.

PA- Sometimes a vacuum seems quite, uh, peaceful. It reminds me of the great epic "Pondering a Patch of Lint on a Crust of Pizza" And I quote:

Oh filth on a plate of rusty carburetor screws
Lube the lugs of yesterday forthwith until the seals howl "Momma!"
I see you deposit gunk so easily on my Noritake
Wherefore art is my pepporoni?
See how your garment sheds like a dandruff infested alligator...

I could go on, Phil, but there'd be fatalities.
Phil Alexander - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Is that output from some kind of AI Vogon poetry generator? Or are you channelling Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings? That is so grotesquely bad, it's great :-)

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