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Song Parodies -> "Ain't No Gun Crime"

Original Song Title:

"Ain't No Sunshine"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Bill Withers

Parody Song Title:

"Ain't No Gun Crime"

Parody Written by:

John Davison

The Lyrics

The song is written from the perspective of a meat-eating foreigner visiting Vietnam. Other place names can easily be substituted for "China" in verse 7, to entertain any particular audience. Performers might also wish to apologise to vegetarians in advance, as several verses allude to pigs as a food source. The breathier, soulful elements of the original song are not mirrored by this parody.
There ain’t no gun crime in Saigon
That’s what the embassy did say,
Ain’t no gun crime in Saigon
And if I should say that’s wrong,
They would soon lock me away.

I bought a pig in Vietnam
’Cause I like bacon, pork and ham,
Bought a pig in Vietnam
’Cause I like bacon, pork and ham,
Any time I go away.

I hope that this pig doesn’t squeal
Because this nation’s just ideal,
I hope that this pig doesn’t squeal
Because this nation’s just ideal.
I hope you’ll visit it one day.

I need to find an abattoir,
I’ll take the pig there in my car.
I need to find an abattoir,
I’ll take the pig there in my car,
Then clean it out without delay.

The hotels there are very fine,
With tempting menus when you dine,
The hotels there are very fine,
Vacate your room by half-past nine,
When it’s time to go away.

I wanna get some apple sauce,
I’ll pay the retail price of course.
I need to get some apple sauce
But if I did take it by force,
Then a fine I’d have to pay.

Compared to China, Saigon’s hotter;
Would you care to share a trotter?
Ain’t no gun crime in Saigon
And if I should say that’s wrong,
They would soon lock me away.

I can give you several hints
If you’d care to buy some mince:
Don’t give way to ladies’ charms
When they hold you in their arms,
Any time you start to sway.
Just tell them .... to go away,
Just tell them .... to go away.
On 2 July 1976, Saigon in Vietnam merged with the surrounding Gia Định Province and was officially renamed Ho Chi Minh City after revolutionary leader Hồ Chí Minh. Nevertheless the historic name Sài Gòn is still widely used, particularly in respect of the central business district of the conurbation. The incidence of gun crime in different countries or cities has not been studied prior to this composition over any specific period; the song was not created as a criticism of either lax gun-control, hotels, veganism or vegetarianism.

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