Song Parodies -> "Ain't No Virgins (A Martyr's Lament)"

Original Song Title:

"Ain't No Sunshine"

^(MP3)

Original Performer:

"Ain't No Virgins (A Martyr's Lament)"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

The promise of 72 unsullied cuties in the hereafter is enough to motivate any hot-blooded young extremist suicide bomber....hmmmmmmm :-D

Ain't no virgins in hea-von
Allah promised T&A
Ain't no virgins...what a con!
The Koran has got it wrong
Seems that I...ain't gettin' laid

Al-Qaeda said "Make a bomb!
Booty's just one blast away!"
Ain't no virgins, wearin' thongs
Just some losers from Tehran
Looking e-qually dismayed

Now I'm mad! Baghdad Jihad! Been had...too bad
I'm mad! Baghdad Jihad! Been had...too bad
I'm mad! Baghdad Jihad! Been had...too bad
Jihad, been had, I'm mad...
Hey! I trimmed my beard, put on cologne
But there ain't virgins; not a one!

Ain't no virgins where I've gone
Brothers, hear me when I say
Ain't no virgins, ain't no fun
So ignore those Tali-bums
Paradise? Gimme a break!
Paradise? Gimme a break! [REPEAT TO END]

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adagio - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment

Good one, Kristof!! Yeah,,,sorry for them...not much.

TJC - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment

My sentiments lex'actly! Perfect subs for Bill's classic--one might even say you've reached Withering Heights with this one, Kristof (had to thumb through my Bront'saurus for that one...)!

MasonR - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment

Yeah, what a bummer for them, eh? Nice job here, Kristoff!

AFW - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment

Very funny premise, and done with your usual flair..

McKludge - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment

I haven't used up all my fives, so take these three and put them where there ain't no sunshine :-)

Matthias - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment

This reminds me of a scene on Family Guy where an extremist blew himself up only to find a bunch of nerdy guys playing World of Warcraft when he got to heaven.

Phil Alexander - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment

I can see why you didn't set this idea to an OS by Nirvana... :-D

Mark Scotti - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment

Amen to that! Though I am sure they will still get some surprises from Allah, and it's NOT going to be pleasant!!!!!!

Old Man Ribber - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment

Bravo, Kristof. Waiting on him will be George Washington, Robert E. Lee, Barry J. Mitchel and 96 other angry "Virginians" ;D

Timmy1000 - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment

Great song - if only they'd get that message. Wouldn't be any virgins anyway for the Detroit bomber as his bomb was in his pants - he wouldn't have had much left for the virgins if he had been successful.

UnKNOWNVotrix - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment

Gee . . . you've been had ! ! Bin Ladin should know . . . . oh , oh, Bin Ladin should know.

Andy Primus - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment

Only 72? Hardly seems worth it. I wouldn't be tempted by anything less than 100.

Spoof-Man - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment

LOVE IT!! 5's from me!

Kristof Robertson - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment

Well, thaks a bunch to Pat, TJC, Mason, AFW, McK, Matty, Phil (oh dear!:-)), Mark, OMR, Timmy, Votrix, Andy and Spoof. I'm sitting at home now waiting to be Fatwahed....:-P

Below Average Dave - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment

That was friggin hilarious--especially considering what little TOS gives you to work with lyrically. Love TOS, love the idea--think this would be hilarious as a recording too, all around phenomenal--as almost always.

Tommy Turtle - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment

But how do you *know* -- unless you try? :-)

Great concept, OS, title switch, and execution (so to speak, LOL) .. and a big improvement on TOS. 555 virgins here on earth for you.

Fiddlegirl - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment

A fiery piece of explosive commentary... (and LOL @ T1K's observation above.)

555s for you and the famous "Dance of the Seven Fails" for the jihadists... ;)

NorCALmaid - January 15, 2010 - Report this comment

Why, oh Why, do all men feel that when they die . . . Heaven awaits them with E T E R N A L ~ ~ Sex . . . ? ! ? !

Kristof Robertson - January 16, 2010 - Report this comment

Thanks to Dave, TT, FG and lady NorCal... I gotta tell ya, these terrorist leaders really ought to work in advertising. The ultimate hard-sell...

blackjack21 - January 16, 2010 - Report this comment

Great job on this one, excellent work 555. These crazies got the fire down below for the virgins but all they're going to get when they die is THE fire down below.

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