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Song Parodies -> "I Only Wanna Be A Jew"

Original Song Title:

"I Only Wanna Be With You"

Original Performer:

Bay City Rollers

Parody Song Title:

"I Only Wanna Be A Jew"

Parody Written by:

Susanna Viljanen

The Lyrics

Phil Alexander made a song of this topic some time ago. I would like to inspect the same issue on woman's vantage point.
I've lately thought that I could make a decent Jew
Whenever I'd read Bible, it would be Hebrew
Though I'm just a shiksa, it could be fun
If I could really call myself a Yiddish Mom -
It's crazy but it's true -
I only wanna be a Jew

I'd have to give up bacon and the shrimps, of course
And I would no more make a meal of squid or horse -
And wool mixed with linen, that's not okay
I'd have to follow Kashrut just in every way
I'd like to be like Ruth -
I only wanna be a Jew

Now I'd go bathing in mikve
every time I'd bleed -
and no more shtuping at that time of month -
- now that is treif indeed!

So, listen, rabbi

I have to memorize now all those mitzvot too
Six hundred thirteen commands of the "don't"s and "do"s
When I wore a tallit, now that's faux pas -
and you don't use a lamp oil as the fuel for menora
It's so hard to be true -
a frum and decent lady Jew!

And when Hanukka comes
I have to tell my mom
That I won't come home Christmas time
And I will decline ham

(Now what a shmendrik!)

Doing my bat mitzva - it's a piece of cake
And playing with that dreidel, just a give or take
But I'm such a yenta, and I got wise
That thing called "bris" for my son --- now dream on, guys!
It's scary and it's cruel -
I no more want to be a Jew!
It's scary and it's cruel -
I no more want to be a Jew1

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - February 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Oy gevalt! Such a song! Nice job, Susanna. ;D
John Barry - February 11, 2010 - Report this comment
You should be plotzing and kvelling for this effort.
mAximo - February 11, 2010 - Report this comment
...and soon to be impossible for both sexes. It's a shanda how the rabbis could label products partly derived from pigs 'kosher', such as baby formula with pig-derived enzymes. And don't get me on vaccines, or products for women such as Rhogam, that are derived from monkeys and rabbits as well.
2Eagle - February 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Mazel tov! I could hear Allan Sherman and Christine Nelson (God rest their souls - oy vay) singing when I read your parody. By the way, I thought the OS was by Dusty Springfield.
Fiddlegirl - February 11, 2010 - Report this comment

@ 2Eagle: I've never heard anyone else but Dusty sing this one, either... hmmm.
Phil Nelson - February 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Oy vey what a parody!
Old Man Ribber - February 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Dusty had the original hit. The Bay City Rollers made a remake in the 70's. ;D
Dusty Springfield - February 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Yeah, but nearly so well, nor so well known. Now, FG and TT, they know whom to credit!

Well done from start to Finnish -- TT.
Susanna Viljanen - February 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Oi vey, what comments! I remember only the BCR version of this song - it was a part of my childhood, and I thought I would have khutzpe enough to put BCR as the origin of this song. Thanks FG and TT for naming the original.
Catholic Who Likes Jews - February 13, 2010 - Report this comment
I thought I smelt Gefilte fish! (Don't hit me, Suzanne.

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