(Man to his wife...)

I saw your drawer of tethers,
just how can you wear those thongs?
I wondered how it held everything together,
Just curious,
so I tried your thong.

I tried a thong that makes sopranos sing.
I tried a thong showing everything.
I tried a thong, it made my eyes bulge wide.
I tried your thong, it was so wrong.

The back rode deep within me,
I had pain levels out of control.
See the crazy look in my eyes,
Now look away, not a site to behold.

I tried a thong that made my testies cringe.
I tried a thong I'm on lunatic fringe.
I tried a thong the back strap said good-bye.
I tried your thong, balls won't last long.

Wished I had a second chance,
for this blood loss put me in a trance.
Feels like fire, drop 'n' roll, now I can't move.
I can't release gas,
need scissors now, so it can pass.
A tight squeeze, now code blue,
The pain grew, my balls plea,
approaching androgyny.

I tried a thong that's lower strangling.
I tried a thong let's forget this whole thing.
I tried a thong that made this grown man cry.
I tried your thong, boy it was wrong.........