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Song Parodies -> "Bozeman, Montana (The Bad Mission Call Song)"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Barry Manilow

Parody Song Title:

"Bozeman, Montana (The Bad Mission Call Song)"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

This is the opening track on the new Robert Lund CD, Workin' the Glory. Since some of you may not be familiar with Utah/Mormon culture, I have provided copious helpful footnotes on my website.
His name was Clay-uhn
He came from Lay-uhn
He was a 19-year-old guy
And a freshman at the Y
He and his sweetie
They lived in D.T.
He played some intramural ball
Waiting for his mission call
He said I'm so prepared
I've even buzzed my hair
I've been studying French and Persian
Call me anywhere

'Cept for Bozeman
Bozeman, Montana
It's worse than Batesville, Indiana
Please not Bozeman
Bozeman, Montana!
Prayin' and wishin' the call for my mission's
Not to Bozeman!

Please somewhere cool

Her name was Natalie
He loved her madaly
But she could not pass up a hoax
She punk'd Clay-uhn with her jokes
While he played baseball
She sent a fake call
She made it look about the same
Even forged the prophet's name
She laughed so hard she cried
And when that call arrived
Clay-uhn grabbed it with fingers shaking
And he looked inside

It said Bozeman
Bozeman, Montana
The hottest spot due-north of Magna
Yes it's Bozeman
Bozeman, Montana!
Here's our decision: Report for your mission
Up in Bozeman!

He lost his lunch

His name is Clay-uhn
He's suffocay-uhn
Who knew he'd take it quite so bad?
But Clay-uhn's quickly going mad
Tries calling G.A.'s
But they're in conference
He speeds to Salt Lake in a rage
Storms the Supernacle stage
You hear the choir yell
Boyd Packer kicks his tail
He's gone berserk and he's gone apostate
Now he's gone to jail

'Cause of Bozeman
Bozeman, Montana
He'll serve his two years in the slamma
'Cause of Bozeman
Bozeman, Montana!
Son of perdition! Guess what? There's no mission
Up in Bozeman!

Don't fall in love...
(c) 2005+, i.e., the lyricist who isn't mentioned in this column. (Not that I'm complaining or anything.)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 22

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   19

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Agrimorfee - December 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Eh, in spite of the copious footnotes, it is very difficult to keep track of the storyline here. Religion satire parodies like "Amish Paradise" work well for me without footnotes. Maybe being a Utahan would have helped. Paced well, though.
alvin rhodes - December 28, 2005 - Report this comment
wondrous wordplay
Rex - December 28, 2005 - Report this comment
This is great! Who's the lyricist?
Jack Wilson - December 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Loved it! 555! - December 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanx, alvin & Jack!
Rex: Who cares about lyricists?!
Aggro: I recall Ethan mentioning "Amish Paradise" on another one of my Mormon parodies; my response would be that Weird Al didn't write that for the Amish. Admittedly, the stuff on "Workin' the Glory" has a limited target audience, so I don't expect that a lot of Amirighters will get the humor (or the CD, for that matter). Don't worry; there are only 15 more tracks to go.
Arwen - December 29, 2005 - Report this comment
For all you non-believers out there...(and you can take the title 'non-believer' however you want to)...I promise that this is Gee to the Oh Oh Dee Stuff.

Not only do I 'get' all the jokes, and know a few too many fellas who WERE Clay-uhn in the latest of their teen years...

...but I have also been to Bozeman, Montana...and therefore consider all of our protagonist's actions to be merited...

...AND...I'm not ashamed to admit that I dig Mr. Manilow. There, I said it. And all of you still love me anyway.

Nice work...I might have enjoyed it a LITTLE bit more if I hadn't gotten the bad news today that my ex-boyfriend (say goodbye to your NEW plasma TV) not only attempted to sell my soul to Satan...(which I MAY have gotten over, with a little begging)...but he is also a little too much into Chinese burlesque theater.

Agrimorfee - December 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Interesting problem, Arwen. - April 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Sister Evenstar: It has taken me over three months to digest your comment because it is so utterly SHOCKING. Wow. Surreal. That story is amazing. Barry Manilow?!
By the way, Aggro: ALL of Arwen's problems are interesting.
Jeff Reuben - April 04, 2006 - Report this comment
I enjoyed the song, and not only do I dig Barry Manilow, I've been to a Barry Manilow concert! When I was 5, my mom took me. I've never been the same since. - May 16, 2006 - Report this comment
Jeffaroo: That explains a lot. They have support groups, you know.
Jean - January 29, 2007 - Report this comment
Yes, Bozeman would be a tragic place for a pure, Mormon missonary to be. First off, polygamists and their descendents have no power there. Not like in SLC, where there' s always a cousin to bail them out of whatever crime they've comitted. The law in Bozeman doesn't allow for excuses, like "Brigham said so," or "Joseph Smith said so." So, child molestation is not much of an option for the perv's, as one Manhattan Mormon found out. The judge actually sentenced him to prison! How could they?... Mormon bishops don't do well in court attempting to cover up, then attempt to justify their knowledge of child molestation. Then using the excuse that they do not have to report such things. The few Mormon cops are in Bozeman, to serve and protect the Mormon's. Not the "community." They are biased. Our old neighbors in Bozeman were both typical. A ton of kids, the parents watched none of them. I'm sure they got their tax break in the accountants office. So, the rest of us evil "Bozemanites" get to pay for their kid's education. They just get tax breaks for having more of them. Finally the corrupt, perverted Mormon who ran the beauty college in Bozeman for years, has reportedly so many out of wedlock children with students, it's unbelievable. Speculation of fraud with grants and student loans. The Mountain Meadow Massacre, whereby Mormons massacred over 100 innocent men, woman and children in 1857. Now, that is something the Mormons are proud of, still brag about it today. Punishment for "Gentiles" running their corrupt, perverted asses out of Ohio, Missouri, and Illinois. Then the morons, tried to claim the territory purchased by U.S. citizens (Louisiana Purchase) as their own sovereign nation. Mainstream Mormons are experts at covering up their familial connections to polygamy, which is rampant today in Utah, Arizona and even Montana. Marrying and having sex with little girls as young as 12 years of age. This is exactly what the grandparents of all Mormons did back in the 1800's. Those who really enjoyed it, still do it, and our government does nothing to stop it. How about a song that goes something like this... "Oh grampa had to have, say seven to twelve wives.. Oh, poor grandpa, forced to marry the young girls... For it was about reaching the highest level... According to Joseph Smith. Oh Brigham Young, what a man How many wives did he have? We can only verify about fourty... But sure he had more.. Poor, Poor Mormons, so discriminated upon So sad, so sad, that others said, Leave town you perverts, For raping little girls is not acceptable, To any true patriotic American!" There you go perverts! - January 29, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm not a pervert and neither are my 12-year-old wives.
Below Average Dave - February 01, 2007 - Report this comment
(gasps) that's too funny. . .your comment just above this
ISH_11 - June 20, 2007 - Report this comment
I think the Mornon Culture is ludicrous , and Brain washing to the young girls.. the mothers & chilldern are a sad reality, of the sick and evil. underhanded, unspoken from of contorl.. And the song is the dumbest SH** I ever hread!! Bozeman is a beauitful place .. and Thank GOD-- The mormon don't like it... - August 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Dave: Cheers, dude.

ISH_11: So do you and Jean hang out? I should join you some time. Y'all must be tons o' fun. - January 21, 2008 - Report this comment, your comments about Mormons are prejudiced and full of untruth. Mormons (aka The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) do not practice polygamy. If they do, they are excommunicated since polygamy is against the law, and we are taught to obey the law of the land in which we reside. Perhaps you are talking about the FLDS church (Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints)? Please do not lump Mormons or LDS members with that church. As for molesters and rapists of children... people of all faiths have those horrible people. But because he was a Mormon, all Mormons are the same? Give me a break! Oh, and before I forget, where in the world did you get such a ridiculous song? And how can you say by writing it in this here forum that it is "proof" of how perverted Mormons are? You are intellectually handicapped... that is the only conclusion I can come up with.
littleCupCakes - January 22, 2008 - Report this comment
Oh it's Hanna, Hanna Montana !!! Yeah, I broke down & bought tickets for my 10-year old niece to see the show in February!! - January 28, 2008 - Report this comment Hey - watch where you're pointing that finger, sister. I didn't say any of that.

littleCupCakes: In real life, I'm a blonde teenaged pop star named Shasta Nebraska.
truth - September 15, 2008 - Report this comment
I am so saddened to read Jean's commentary. I am from Bozeman, I know personally some of the people she refers to, and most of what is written above is simply not true! As to the accusation that Mormons are perverts, nothing could be a greater distortion. I think he or she knows that. Indeed, the FLDS is NOT the LDS church. I also admit that this song didn't ring well with me. I love Bozeman, it's one of the most beautiful places in the nation! Jean, you are entitled to your own opinion, but there is no need to spew your venomous libels online. The mormons are very, very good people and the ones I know in Bozeman are some of the best and most moral people I know. Please check your facts before publishing things like this.
Dr Music - September 16, 2008 - Report this comment
Spaff, your parody was great. I loved it. It had a moral in it and that's what I loved most about it. 555. - October 24, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks. Moral. That's my name.

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