Captain Kirk

Look at all the tribble replication,
Filling up this little ship of mine.
Don't disturb me now, I must find some answers,
Or there won't be any room on Enterprise!
Always hoped I'd be a Starfleet captain,
Knew that I would make it if I tried.
Then when I retire, I'll go to the Nexus,
While the Next Generation thinks I died.

Darvin

No end...to all these little furballs, these slutty little friends.
They're over here, this one might clog the warp drive.
They're over there, this one is on the console.
No end! In the transporter room
and the elevator shaft!
If I could remember just what they eat and drink....

Kirk

You must be mad thinking you won't be martialed,
Yes, you must be out of your head.
Look at these blank spaces. First they were teeming
Ten minutes later, they're dead!
One of you has killed them!
Or is it the visitors?

Crew

No! Who would?! Impossible!

Kirk

You can't deny it! In just a few hours,
I'll mock your denial.
I know something, you see.
One of you mere humans,
One of the visitors,
Has tried to betray me.

Darvin

Cut the theatrics!
You´ll never know who.

Kirk

Why doesn't he like you?

Darvin

No, I didn't do it!

Kirk

This tribble is screaming!

Darvin

I don't know why, so screw it!

Kirk

Only a Klingon would do it!

Darvin

To think I admired you.
Well now I despise you.

JESUS

You liar. You Klingon!

Darvin

They drove me to do it!
I couldn't just stay here,
They ate up your nutrition.
Kirk, they deserved it.

Kirk

Darvin, you fool. Get off my ship!
Hear how he screeches,
Klingons he would know. Go!

Look at all the tribble replication,
Filling up this little ship of mine.
What's that in the bread? Now they all are dead,
Blasted Klingons, just last evening they were fine.
Fortunate I found their brute assassin,
I will make damn sure we have him tried!
I know his disguise, he can't fool the critters,
No, they all know his poison made them die.

You sad, pathetic man, see, now we know it's you!
The tribbles die around us and all because of you.
But the saddest thing of all,
Dishonor did you in.
Like a ape on Taurus II, like Deneva's parasites,
Dishonor did you in.
Dishonor did you in.
Like that wretched Galt of Triskelion, Dishonor did you in!

Scotty

Beam out the tribbles! They're out!
They're waiting, the Klingons are waiting for you!

Kirk

Every time I look around, I don't understand
Why we let the tribble herd get so out of hand.
Will they manage better with the Klingon band?

I always hoped I'd be a Starfleet captain,
Knew that I would make it if I tried.
Then when I retire, I'll go to the Nexus,
While the Next Generation thinks I died.