Hello missus, hello farters,
To this Ring Meeting I'm a martyr.
Toxic toilets, smells not waning
But they say they'll be fresh air when they put drains in.

Drinking Morlands seems quite wreckless
And we're all now nearly legless.
You remember Leonard Skinner
He got alcohol poisoning last night after dinner!

We've been lusting for a waitress
Dropping cutlery she retreiv-es
She ignores keeping busy
But one squire declined the sight cos he's a sissy.
Now I don't want this to scare yer
In his hot quilt he's quite bare yeh.
We have named him Ivor Hardy
After last night's dawn excurrsion to the kazzie.

Take me home, no more a martyr
I can't sleep from all the farters
Don't leave me, that squire's begun to stare
I might get eaten by him bare.
Take me home I promise I will not make noise
When I return with all the boys
Oh please take me away
I'VE BEEN HERE ONE WHOLE DAY!

Dearest sweetheart, darling missus
You're so precious, you're delicious.
Let me come home if you miss me
I will even let your mother hug and kiss me.

Wait a minute it's started pouring
Won't be dancing in the morning.
In a tavern with a beverage.
So my darling missus disregard this message!