I know just how to whimper
And I know just how to cry
I know just how to fake cancer
And I know just how to lie

I know just how to fake it
So it looks like I vomited spleen
I know just how to make a Baby Ruth
Look just like colostomy cream

And I know just where to grab you
And I know just what to prove
I can make you lose your temper
To rattle my front teeth loose

And I know my heartbeat's fading
And I know that I'm gonna die
And I'm always gonna tell you
Everything I gotta tell you
And when I don't, I'll give it a try

But I don't know how to beep you
On the night's that you're on call
They say they don't know how I do it
Makin' stuff up from nothing at all

Every time I see you
All the pain in my guts
Goes spreading to my head and my hair
Every spot on my thigh
Is creeping up to my eyes
Like a crotchblight

The beating of my heart has gone mum
I'm not dumb, it's looking for physicians like you
You could take a sample of flesh
From my right
And turn it into bacon
For your morning bite

'Cause everything I show
Is something for my case to prove!

I can make my bowels run humble
Or I can make 'em run like Niagra Falls
I can induce nausea by eating my own snot
And make every reflex be gone

But I'll never be in court without you
Do you really want to hear me bawl?
They claim they don't know how I prove it
Making stuff up from nothin' at all

Nothin' at all...makin stuff....

Choking on balls....breathin' dust....

Having bad falls....crackin' up...