I have a pet dachshund, his name is Dick
He's quite a bit longer than he is thick
My wiener dog is lovely
You could hardly call him small
Dog Fancy magazine says that
My Dick's longest of all!

My Dick is long
My Dick is long
Yes, he's so so long
Lean, lithe, and long
And yours might be long
And his might be long
But my Dick's the longest one in the song!

And my Dick is always sweating
Whenever it gets hot
And sometimes he spits up all o'er the floor
When he's hungry, he swells up
And you can see his cute little head
It'd be great if I could have someone
To pet my Dick in bed

My Dick is long
My Dick is long
Yes, he's so very long
Lean, lithe, and long
And yours might be long
And his might be long
But my Dick's the longest one in the song!

No, he's no small Chihuahua
He's a real manly dog
And I sometimes call him "Woody"
Cause he's shaped just like a log
My Dick can go out hunting
He fits in every hole
And he curls up and looks real small
Whenever it gets cold

My Dick is long
My Dick is long
Yes, he's so very long
Lean, lithe, and long
And yours might be long
And his might be long
But my Dick's the longest one in the song!

My Dick is long
My Dick is long
Yes, he's so very long (And I'm just itching to show him to you)
Lean, lithe, and long (I'm sure you'll love him)
And yours might be long (He'll lick your face)
And his might be long (Woof!)
But my Dick's the longest one in the song! (Kiss him)

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