Mis-ter Pa-trick Truman, a Londoner of note,
Came into a fortune and he bought himself a boat
Said he, "With this boat here, I'm gonna have some fun"
But when he tried to tow it home, he found it weighed a ton .
So all of his mates who lived in Albert Square
Borrowed Charley's Taxi cab and towed it out of there
They all wore their long johns, beneath their over coat
All ready for a fishing trip on Patrick Trumans boat

His good friend Jim Branning, was captain for the day
He brought some Johnny Walkers to keep the cold at bay
A large keg of ale and a quart of Black and White
Donated from their local pub, to last them through the night
"Just drink up ya' muppet," Alfie shouted out to Pat
"We've gotta set this boat a sail, before the beer goes flat"
They pushed it in the water Patrick ready for to gloat
But when they finally got it in, the bugger wouldn't float

Now all the local plonkers were laughing at their plight
Just seeing Patricks fishing boat go sinking out of sight
But just then Jim Branning shouted out "Good Gord!
Someone hold me long johns, the booze is still on board"
He dived in the water as naked as a whale
Swam around the sinking boat, looking for the ale
He splashed and he spluttered but he never gave up hope
And he finally got the barrel out of Patrick Trumans boat.

Now right there in Southend a crowd had gathered round
They thought that Survivor, had finally come to town
They laughed and they cheered as Jim retreaved the beer
Standing in his birthday suite they watched him from the pier
There won't be tribal council for the Walford tribe that night
Seeing Jim in all his glory, was not a pretty sight
And all of his team mates sent Jim a little note
Said "Thank you for your bravery now, PLEASE PUT ON YOUR COAT"

Now all over Walford, some tales are often told
Of certain local hero's and people brave and bold
But one in particular, will never go away
It's the one about Jim Branning and his big catch of the day
You'll find him in the Queen Vic, along with his mate Pat
Still talking 'bout that fishing trip with Alfie Moon & Kat
And if you're ever in Southend, you can bet a five pound note
Beneath that mud are Jim's long johns, and Patrick's Truman's boat.