[piano intro]

As he sits; expands his belt
was too tight 'round his ass
He knows he needs to eat less; moans
Craves fatt'ning food, alas
The food he buys; it is all wrong
He won't lose weight that way
Way too many pizza's eaten
by this guy, "Oy vey"

Love handles on this guy
bites, he cannot see his dick to pee
He's way too fat, oh my
needs a diet to right
his figure; needs
to lose much weight; a pile
he's too fat; past denial

Overgrown; girth - it does sway
he needs to hit the gym
Hated diet; he ignores
Eats Bear claws; won't get thin
and choc'late pudding makes him melt
whipped cream on top he sprays
Tasty, smooth, not bland
it makes him fatter day-by-day

This man sure loves his pie
and those candied yams; they're such a treat
Can't handle his desires
cannot leave a bite
his plate he cleans
His weight grows all the time
So fat; weighs "three-oh-nine'

[longer instrumental break]

Shoves corn dogs into his face
and chili dogs from "Pink's"
Stuff he eats makes waistline grow
just ordered some hot links
He belches fire; he now has GIRD
his stomach always aches
Stomach has ballooned; so big
two seats he now must take

This man sure needs to diet
He sure needs to eat less calories
Fast food he yearns at night
In the drive-through line
is where he'll be
More shakes and fatt'ning fries
Hamburgers; ate a pile
Fooool...

[piano out to end fade]

{too soon he is going to die}
{because he's too obese}
{he'll end up at coroner's slab}
{too young; he'll be deceased}