(Instrumental intro)

I went out hunting
with Vice-President Dick
Stalking small game
out in the sticks
With what happened to me this day
I sure am lucky
that I am OK (Oh, yeah)
I went out to pick up
a bird I had snuffed
a shotgun blast hit me
right in my duff
from 'bove my spine
did trickle some blood
Because I had been shot by
Dick's double-pump

I got shot by Dick's double-pump
(Ow-ow-ouch)
My face looks like I have the mumps
(Ow-ow-ouch)
Now there's buckshot stuck in my rump
Because I looked like a deer
to that crazy grump

I felt the sting
and my cheek did bleed
So I hollered,
"Dick, don't shoot me"
He shouted back
"You can't fool me, you deer"
Well, no way was that
what I wanted to hear
Rose up to speak
but I soon had to duck
It's a good thing for me
that old Dick was so drunk
Still, my heart began to
beat like a drum
when I heard Dick re-load
that old double-pump

Dick reloaded his double-pump
(the guy's nuts!)
being stalked by that crazy grump
(what a putz!)
Was afraid that I would soon be snuffed
by that Crazy Dick with his double-pump

Shot in the butt by that crazy grump
(Ow-ow-ouch)
He's a nut; that old-crazy frump
(what a grouch)
Got shotgun pellets stuck in my rump
'Cause I just got shot by
Dick's double-pump

(Sound of wild shot-guns blasts and "Crazy Dick' yelling "Hot damn! I've bagged a deer!" In instrumental parts that run out to the Fade)