It's Lorne Greene
It's Lorne Greene
With grizzly bears
And peach ice cream
He made the scene
It's Lorne Greene

The cows we'll spook
In underwear
Why, even Little Joe will be bare

The mimes we'll maim
With clubs we'll stun
They should have run
But pretend is fun

The cattle rustlers are all strung up
All the llamas shampooed and fluffed
Pernell Roberts toodles in
For a makeup beer with Ben

That's Lorne Greene
Not Ben Vereen

All his pals are outed as gay
That doesn't mean they're not allowed if they pay
But since the Ponderosa's in a red state
They'll hope that Lorne Greene will let them mate

Oh, there are hookers, strippers, dance hall girls, and chippies
And there are ramps, unicycles, pickles, bagels, and hippies
So let's hope everyone brings Viagra here
For Lorne Greene comes but once a year

The mimes in flames
And shot with guns
And sealed in drums
Pantomime is fun

It's Lorne Greene
Not Martin Sheen
Not Howard Dean

It's Lorne Greene