~ ~ ~ (Sharp, twangy guitar intro) ~ ~ ~

Walk right in, zip right down
Doctor will enlarge your bone
Longer and bigger ‘round
Swears he'll make your penis grow
Girlfriend will be gawking, you'll have sex more often
You'll get blow jobs all the time
You will grin; she'll go down
Your sex life will be sublime

Awk, it's limp; flaccid now
Doctor said it would be long
“G*d-damn him”, now I growl
Seems that S.O.B. was wrong
“After the injections you will have huge erections
All the girls it will astound”
Roped me in; conned me, “Ow”
Penis don't get hard no more

~ ~ ~ (Flat, off “beat”, dull guitar interlude) ~ ~ ~

I'll get him; boy, and how
Doctor will regret his role
Limb from limb; he will shout
“G*d have mercy on my soul”
Every bone gets broken, it is just a token
And there is still more in store
Kicked his ass all around
Doesn't even up the score
‘Cause I can't get hard no more

~ ~ ~ (Single, off-key strum on guitar with 3 broken strings) ~ ~ ~