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Song Parodies -> "Gnostic Believer"

Original Song Title:

"Daydream Believer"

Original Performer:

The Monkees

Parody Song Title:

"Gnostic Believer"

Parody Written by:

Patrick McWilliams

The Lyrics

I wish I had some exciting tales like Merry and Pippin. Alas, my excursions into the realms of romance have been much less fruitful, but they have yielded a number of songs. "Gnostic", as referred to here, is a religious or philosophical group operating out of a strip mall office in Independence, Missouri. I was never able to quite figure out where they were coming from. Nothing malevolent, as far as I could tell. But, because of one of their teachings I began to refer to them as the "Gnosex Confraternity".
Sitting at home all alone
See your number on my phone
Alarm bells in my head begin to ring
If your call I return
How much money will I burn?
You want me to pay for everything

You won't sleep with me
This week, let me see
You're a Gnostic believer
Chanting "Prosperity"

You still think of me
As an ATM machine
Now I know how bankrupt I can be
Oh yes, we had some good times then
When I had the cash to spend
But now your wishes far exceed my means

We're not friends that way
I just heard you say
To a couple of strangers
At a sidewalk café

Sleep in separate bed
"Effed up in the head"*
You'd say "Give me a pistol
'cause I wish I was dead"

(Instrumental break)

"Too pale and too fat"*
Wasn't where you're at
I got more affection
From your Prince Charming cat

New Age daydream queen
Every day it seemed
You would ask me for money
"til my wallet was clean

Sex was not for you
Nothing I can do
I was never more lonely
Than when living with you
* I was, so she said.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

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User Comments

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Rob Arndt - October 18, 2012 - Report this comment
So many good lines here Patrick-555! I get disgusted by people and organizations that I ask prayer from who then try to scam me out of money through every conceivable means! Even Christian well-wishers promote scandalous businesses while I fight to live. Yesterday, a man said he was touched by my prayer request and forwarded it over to an organization in Jerusalem that takes prayer requests to the Church of the Holy Sep. I went there to submit a prayer but them found out it would cost me $15 to do so for EACH prayer!!! That is exactly what Jesus got mad at when at the Second Temple- the commerce going on as if it were a market place or currency exchange!!! Made me mad too. There are good people and bad people everywhere. But no one likes their e-mail given over to the African scammers, Euro lottery scammers, and even US Army scammers who either beg for money or want your checking acct number b/c they want to deposit millions in your name (rather to transfer all your funds out). As for Gnostics... never ran into any here in Cali. Here, it's Mormons, JWs, 7th Day Advents, and even some Scientologists! I remind them of Galacians 1 and politely shut the door.
John Barry - October 18, 2012 - Report this comment
I think the "Con" in the name says it all.
Patrick - October 18, 2012 - Report this comment
I thought that was what the Reformation was for. Anyone can address God directly, without the need to pay for intervention. I've heard of the Nigerian deposit scam. There used to be a life insurance scam. Someone would take out a policy, then fly to Sierra Leone or Liberia and "die". He would have a phony death certificate issued, and even print an obituary in a local newspaper and forward the whole lot to the insurance company. Those countries were considered too hazardous, so no investigators were ever sent to follow up. I attended a couple of the Gnostic lectures and listened to what my lady friend told me about them. Their doctrine seemed to be mostly contradictions of mainstream Christianity. There didn't seem to be any cult leader trying to get sex or money out of anyone. I still have no idea what they were up to. Have not been able to find any disgruntled ex-member sites, the way you can with Mormons, Catholics, Herbert Armstrong Church of God, or other religions. I recall seeing a TV exposé of an evangelist named Tilden or Tilton. His staff would open the envelopes with prayer requests and extract any checks or currency. Those without a donation went straight to the dumpster in the alley. Maybe Tilton went to the alley to pray over the dumpster, but I doubt it.
Meriadoc - October 18, 2012 - Report this comment
LOL Patrick! My excursions into romance have been less than fruitful too. Maybe I should write a parody about the psychopath I dated at age 19...
Peregrin - October 18, 2012 - Report this comment
Patrick, I feel your pain. I can assure you that from my part what M&P write in our parodies is based on "I wonder what it would be like" rather than the more desirable "I remember what it was like"... To that end, one of our future releases shall be "Felling Bold" to the tune of Sting's "Fields Of Gold". I hope you catch it. It will be much more 'accurate Peregrin'. Unfortunately.
Patrick - October 18, 2012 - Report this comment
I have shared with Tommy Turtle that I feel a certain discomfort about some risqué or "racy" material. But your "Seasons in the Sun" was quite hilarious. There is some sort of a line I can't quite define but I know it when I see it. I'd like to hear a recording of "Pleasin' Was This Hon". I remember "Fields of Gold". I think it had bagpipes in it. Any song is better with bagpipes.
Patrick - October 18, 2012 - Report this comment
This gal was a member of the "Religion of the Month Club". Had, probably still has, the largest collection of New Age, religion, motivational, mystical, witchcraft, philosophical, self-help books in the state of Missouri. Filled every shelf in the house and stacked on staircases. A friend who writes music says that songs about happy romances don't sell nearly as well as ones about love gone wrong. Of course, my songs don't sell at all.
Tommy Turtle - October 19, 2012 - Report this comment
Actually quite poignant, esp. about being "Lonely Together", a topic that greater minds than yours or mine have written on, but it *would* make a good title switch from "Happy Together" by ... can't think of the band name right now... dang it .. .guess I'll have to look it up.

Loved "ATM - bankrupt". One of your best, Patrick. $555 -- sounds like you need them -- and *now* are you starting to see the advantages of dating sheep instead? ;)
Patrick - October 19, 2012 - Report this comment
I'd feel guilty about a liaison with a sheep, especially since that afternoon at the Greek restaurant. Great idea about the song by that 60's group, I forget their name, too. Ha, ha. "Imagine ship and crew, a rogue wave too, I "sink" about it day and night, on amiright, the Edmund Fitzgerald".
Dave W. - November 04, 2012 - Report this comment
God ! That was good......All people want to believe in something, even if it's nothing....No donation for the information

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