People say I should try using napkins
Because I drop a crumb or two
But since this beard has grown, has a life of its own
It needs its own food

So take a good look at my face
The bits I've eaten all over the place
From quite a distance, there's more than a trace
Of crap in my beard

I feed you, feed you

Since it's fetid, if you see me with, well, any girl
Lookin' like I'm having fun
Especially if she's cute
She'll be a prostitute, let's face it
No one else gonna come

So take a good look at my face
Containing so much grease you could baste
If you get closer you might even taste
The crap in my beard

It feels ewww.. feels ewww

Outside there's debris on it
There's dried and sticky vomit
Something brown ..
Spreading all around
It's vile and it's fetid
I'll never forget it was ewwww

So take a good look at my face
You'll see a pile of food gone to waste
If I remove it, it soon gets replaced
The crap in my beard

So take a good look at my face
I see your mouth frown with distaste
But it ain't you who's disgraced
From crap in my beard