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Song Parodies -> "Crap in my Beard"

Original Song Title:

"Tracks of my Tears"

Original Performer:

The Miracles

Parody Song Title:

"Crap in my Beard"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

As any pogonophile will tell you, it doesn't matter if you use a napkin as any food you drop has to navigate the beard before it gets that far. And it's so easy for all that stuff to get stuck..
People say I should try using napkins
Because I drop a crumb or two
But since this beard has grown, has a life of its own
It needs its own food

So take a good look at my face
The bits I've eaten all over the place
From quite a distance, there's more than a trace
Of crap in my beard

I feed you, feed you

Since it's fetid, if you see me with, well, any girl
Lookin' like I'm having fun
Especially if she's cute
She'll be a prostitute, let's face it
No one else gonna come

So take a good look at my face
Containing so much grease you could baste
If you get closer you might even taste
The crap in my beard

It feels ewww.. feels ewww

Outside there's debris on it
There's dried and sticky vomit
Something brown ..
Spreading all around
It's vile and it's fetid
I'll never forget it was ewwww

So take a good look at my face
You'll see a pile of food gone to waste
If I remove it, it soon gets replaced
The crap in my beard

So take a good look at my face
I see your mouth frown with distaste
But it ain't you who's disgraced
From crap in my beard

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

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Leough - February 11, 2014 - Report this comment
LOL! 555! Great job! And I can identify with the problem.
Jonathan - February 11, 2014 - Report this comment
see this is why I prefer to shave! 5's
Phil Alexander - February 12, 2014 - Report this comment
:) Thanks Leough & Jonathan. While I don't think this is something I actually have as a problem, my wife might beg to differ ;-)
Beardman - February 12, 2014 - Report this comment
How silly (in a not fun way) and trivial. I use a simple comb that works on dry and wet spills. The dry comb filters out the crumbs and solid bits and also sauces as it attaches to the comb which is wiped by a simple napkin. Repeat a few times and the stuff is gone if you catch it at earliest convenience. And if one really fears spilling into their beard, they can simply hold a napkin or plate underneath their mouth when they eat something questionable! One can also grow a short beard instead of sporting the Duck Dynasty or Southern Hillbilly look!
Phil Alexander - February 13, 2014 - Report this comment
So it is possible to have a beard and no sense of humour. Thank you for the enlightenment.

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