All the rolls are gone (all the rolls are gone)
And the shelves are bare (and the shelves are bare)
I've been for a walk (I've been for a walk)
Searchin' everywhere (searchin' everywhere)
I'd be dry and clean (I'd be dry and clean)
If they would only share (if they'd only share)
Toilet paper dreamin' (toilet paper dreamin')
In the COVID scare.

Stopped into to a store
I passed along the street (passed along the street)
I walked up and down the aisles (Up and down the aisles)
Not a single sheet (not a single sheet)
You know the owner likes the sales (owner likes the sales)
He knows I've gotta go (knows I've gotta go)
Toilet paper dreamin' (toilet paper dreamin')
This COVID sucks, you know.

[Flute solo]

All the rolls are gone (all the rolls are gone)
And the shelves are bare (and the shelves are bare)
I've been for a walk (I've been for a walk)
Searchin' everywhere (searchin' everywhere)
If I was quick and sneaky (I was quick and sneaky)
I could steal some rolls (could steal some rolls)
Toilet paper dreamin' (toilet paper dreamin')
These hoarders have no souls.