Everywhere you go, on your TV screen
There are all kinds of programming, some that’s quite obscene
Not nearly PG, almost bordering on porn
Most frustrated of all was poor Eunuch Norm

He’d see hot girls in corsets and long leg tease
Some curvy-racked actress in some topless scene
The geeks and nerds don’t get the girls, but one’s more forlorn
The loneliest of all was poor Eunuch Norm

When Norm heard some music, boy it brought him pain
Some rapper stands up, he said he’ll “make it rain”
Then all the girls start dancin’, “I don’t know what to do…
I must turn off the tube
‘Cause I only see...

Miss Aguilera, Alicia Keys
There’s Mariah Carey and Katy Perry
Faith Hill, Av-ril, even Adele, they make me feel warm”
Was torture for poor Eunuch Norm

Next day he tried to forget what he saw
Was watching his new favorite show, it’s called ‘How I Met Your Mother’
And his fav’rite character wore a suit
The TV screen he talked right through-
“Hey Norm!

I’ve got an aspiring actress, a bar maid tease
A sexy librar’an, a girl on trapeze
A skank whose face clearly an ‘8’” “But Barn, I feel so torn-
They won’t like me, I’m Eunuch Norm”

Then Norman walked out, tried to ease his pain
He went out to the market, looking for a change
Produce abundant, everyone was starin’
Made it bad for Eunuch Norm

There were ripe watermelons, cantaloupe tease
Two kiwis, banana- made him feel empty
Norman cried, "Mind your own! Cause you’re all annoying!”
He ran and he took a large cob of corn

He stopped near the hardware, somewhere near aisle nine
He grabbed some duct tape from the shelf, all bright-eyed
Then he pulled his pants down and sort of tucked the corn away
Now no one ever says ‘Eunuch Norm’ to this very day

He gets long stares from strangers, ‘spec’lly ladies
And envious fella’s would often get teased
The babes all raved ‘You’re looking great”- the ladies all swarmed!
To the man they once called poor Eunuch Norm