From that oversized town called Toronto
Retirees take pains to be gone;
What with prices as lush as the condos,
Early May, frozen slush on the ground.

I booked tickets by air to Vancouver,
To the West Coast I thought we might move;
You can fly A.C.*, Westjet (not Porter)
Your relations are bound to approve.

I'd go straight on to Vancouver Island,
And there I'd explore for a while.
I'd spend time with my bro in Nanaimo
August weather's sublime - that's my style.

But bad misfortune overcame me,
Paid a penalty, rebooked my flight.
I did land in October, and so did a sober-
ing storm on the very same night.

It can rain on the plains and the prairies.
And in Banff, it can rain there a while.
There's no rain that's a pain, it's not hard to explain,
Like the rain out on Vancouver's Isle.

Spent ten days hunkered down in Nanaimo,
Tried to drive around, poured every mile,
Had to run from the car to the tavern door --
That's a sport out on Vancouver's Isle.

In a bar not too far from Chemainus
A guitar-man sang out this refrain,
"Frequent downpours and drizzle abolish life's sizzle.
Cherish sunny climes? Get on a plane."

"When you fly here with Westjet (not Porter),
Can't extinguish the anguish most vile.
There's no rain that's a pain, it's not hard to explain,
Like the rain here on Vancouver's Isle."

I've retired now to South Carolina --
Coastal mornings are mostly quite fine.
Folks complain should it rain; it's so flat - doesn't drain;
They've got nothing about which to whine.

It can rain on the plains and the prairies;
Banff and Jasper - it rains there in style.
There's no rain that's a pain, it's not hard to explain,
Like the rain out on Vancouver's Isle.

Chemainus: shuh-MAY-nuhs
Nanaimo: nuh-NIE-moh

* A.C. = Air Canada. Westjet is a competitor on flights across the country. Porter Airlines provides local service from Toronto Island Airport to destinations in Eastern Canada and the East Coast of the U.S.