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Song Parodies -> "I Can't Wipe Myself"

Original Song Title:

"I Can't Help Myself"

Original Performer:

The Four Tops

Parody Song Title:

"I Can't Wipe Myself"

Parody Written by:

Joseph Little

The Lyrics

Here's another poop joke, I am wrong for this one Classic OS, loved it since I was a child
Single ply, bunch it up
You know that I tried to
I can't wipe myself
I pretend that nobody cares

up and down my crack
You go to and fro
Leaving just my pile behind
And I’ve forgotten like a thousand times

Sometimes I use my fingers
Then rub my eye
What is that on my shoe?
my eyes are red and puss-ie
And there's something on my nose
(Ooh, that’s not a booger)

Single ply, bunch it up
More filthy than a man should be
I can't wipe myself
I'm a fool hygienically

Wanna wipe right in the restroom
take a number 2
And I've tried
But every time I stink up the place
I get the bowl clogged up inside

After I do my thing, the more
It starts to cling, pulling out my hair
smearin' it all around
No matter how I try
The smell I cannot hide

Single ply, bunch it up
You know that I'm reek of poo
I can't wipe myself
I do things that nobody dares

Single ply, bunch it up
I'll do whatever HR asks me to
I can't wipe myself
I’d ask for help but nobody cares

Single ply, bunch it up
You know that I tried to
I can't wipe myself

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   15

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

CML - March 11, 2022 - Report this comment
The subs for "Sugar Pie, honey bunch" are Amiright HOF eligible. The stanzas about smearing your wipe hand .. Yeesh ... On the other hand (baroomp CHING) with all the econ disruptions going on, we may all be singing this tune soon
Joseph Little - March 11, 2022 - Report this comment
I appreciate it! It just came to me on a drive home from work the other day, i just had to fill it out

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