Who says you need to waste your summer
Before that G-d-awful idiot's lantern
When you know that what you really need
Is a little more fun than you've ever had;
A little splashin', a little relaxin,'
In wavepools or in waterslides--

CHORUS:
I'm fond of Wisconsin Dells,
I'm fond of the scene down there;
I'm fond of Wisconsin Dells,
So who really needs to watch that TV all the time?

A certain Slick Gator, of Noah's Ark fame,
Happens to know the Dells quite well and
Happens to know about the party scene
More than any of the locals would;
Just ask for him over at Noah's,
Preferably by the Big Kahuna wavepool;

(repeat CHORUS)

There's innkeepers who know it all,
All of them fond of "keeping it local;"
They've got connexions to the best of bargains
And the best of places worth your seeing,
Not to mention worth avoiding,
Making sure you get your vacation's worth;

(repeat CHORUS)

There's too many of T-shirt shops there,
Which may still be worth a look, nonetheless,
But I hear they've got fudge that runs rings around
Anything Mackinac Island makes;
Be sure to ask the locals about VI;
It's a shop I think you ought to enjoy!!

(repeat CHORUS)

The dining there can run the gamut
From fast food burgers to Chi-town deep dish,
Even buffets there can be worth your time,
Just make sure you know where to look;
Just ask the locals if you need advice,
They're certain to steer you to something new....

(repeat CHORUS)

Wisconsin Dells is that kind of town
That serves as psychiatry-ersatz;
The latter can get to be quite expensive
And can only do harm to tender minds;
Fun is probably what you're missing,
And fun is probably what you're deserving!!

(repeat CHORUS, followed by insturmental riff)

Fun is probably what you're missing,
And fun is probably what you're deserving!!

(repeat CHORUS x2)