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Song Parodies -> "Lunch Meat"

Original Song Title:

"Touch Me"

Original Performer:

The Doors

Parody Song Title:

"Lunch Meat"

Parody Written by:

Mark Scotti

The Lyrics

Added a verse missing from my prior submission
Yech! Don't want, Don't want, Don't want, Don't want
More lunch meat, lady.
My face shows, to eat this we're insane.
Is it from Alpo that it came?
My mom tells now I'm widespread
And that I smell of Gravy Train.

Now, I've got to warn you
To not cook meat when it's gray.
I'll have to stop you
Before the mold comes, alive, and we all die.

Don't want, Don't want, Don't want, Don't want
More lunch meat, lady.
Look and see, expired last decade.
Every bite is a live grenade.
That's a ring finger on my plate.
Was that a mobster that got made?

I'm gonna quit school
Till the menu starts to change.
I'd rather eat gruel
Or a mince pie, with flies, than this meat with eyes.

I'll just say screw you
And eat plain old P B J.
I'll never see you
Till one day, I die, and you serve me on rye.

Copyright 2009

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 28

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 1
 2
 
 5   26
 26
 25
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

AFW - March 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Very good...funny subject with some really good creative lines, like.."Every bite is a grenade", and "Meat with eyes"
alvin - March 04, 2009 - Report this comment
hilarious...especially liked the lines about gravy train, a finger and meat with eyes...this is enough to make someone go vegetarian
Mark Scotti - March 04, 2009 - Report this comment
A "Meaty" thanks to AFW and Alvin! Glad I provided a laugh for the day...
Jim Rotondo - March 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Great job, GRUEL is one of my all-time favorite words, and, being Sicilian, loved the mobster line. Well done!
MadameDeGravy - March 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Sir, ~The Duke o'ALPO ~,, Le Marquis de Gruel, . . . Despite the sheer Grossness of this caper, I must declare, Sir, "Can't help lovin' that Man on Rye" !
Mark Scotti - March 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks to Jim "The Gruel" Rotondo. To MaDame, the Earl of Sandwich says thanks!!!
Guy - March 04, 2009 - Report this comment
This is more than meats the eye. I like this. I ate lunch today in an honest to goodness US Army Chow Hall and believe it or not the food was really good, but they have a habit of making too much food. It seems that they always make enough to feed an army. This parody is off the wall just like I enjoy them. Fine job. Take five Tums and call someone sympathetic in the morning.
Mark Scotti - March 04, 2009 - Report this comment
To Guy, I salute your review. Thanks!!!!
Andy Primus - March 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Good one - liked the grenade line the best
John Barry - March 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Lunch meat! The favorite subject of me and L'il Cupcakes.
Mark Scotti - March 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, John!!!
Mark Scotti - March 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Andy!!
Joe Siebert - March 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Creative what you did with this song. Excellent title substitution too. 555
Mark Scotti - March 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Joe!!!
Andria - March 06, 2009 - Report this comment
This parody sums up what school hot lunches were like for me. I would usually bring a couple of ham sandwiches on Oroweat Jewish Rye with pickles, onions and Dijonnaise, a bag of Cheetos, some homemade cookies and enough money for a couple Mountain Dews. If not, I would gag down school lunch and then drink some syrup of ipecac in order to fool my parents into thinking I'd eaten lunch. Excellent job, and 5s.
Mark Scotti - March 06, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks Andria!!!
MadameDeGravy - March 06, 2009 - Report this comment
. . . Can't help lovin' that Ham on Rye ! . . . but L'Meat, I still abhor !
Mark Scotti - March 06, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Madame!!!
kevin - April 02, 2009 - Report this comment
almost sandleresque very well written though the pacing is bang on
Mark Scotti - April 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks Kev. That's funny you mentioned sandleresque, because I originally started this one spawning off the Sandler/Farley Lunch lady skit, but it ended up going in a different direction. I was happy with the results..
Silver Power - April 10, 2009 - Report this comment
[SOTM] Amazing title sub, best parody of this song I read. 5 lbs of ham, 5 lbs of turkey, and 5 lbs of bologna.
Mark Scotti - April 10, 2009 - Report this comment
A pound of thanks to you, S.P.!
Arwen - April 10, 2009 - Report this comment
SOTM...that poor lunch lady...she never gets any respect. This made me smile...=)
Mark Scotti - April 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Arwen!!
Peter Andersson - April 15, 2009 - Report this comment
Not much to work with but it went down okey.
Mark Scotti - April 15, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Pete!!
Matthias - April 20, 2009 - Report this comment
This one was great, and I love this OS. Fantastic title sub, and I really liked the line, "That's a ring finger on my plate" reminds me of that old news story about Wendy's chili.
Max Power - April 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Great work
Claude Prez - April 20, 2009 - Report this comment
I always wanted to parody this song; I came up with "Flush me" and gave up on it. Yours is a much better idea, with some great lines. Very well done.
Mark Scotti - April 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Matthias & Max!!!
Mark Scotti - April 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Claude!!!
Below Average Dave - April 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Remember Wendy's Chili Matty was a factitious story by the woman who made the complaint, the finger was actually that of a co-worker of her husbands, Wendy's was innocent. Fun little parody for what this OS gave you to work with.
Phil Alexander - April 28, 2009 - Report this comment
A song I can really relate to :-) Definitely something to get ones teeth into.
Mark Scotti - April 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Phil & Dave...
bobpiecheese - April 29, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I'm thankful my school doesn't have a cafeteria - we just have a canteen. The PBJ line near the end seemed out of place (it implies that the singer has the option of bringing a PBJ sandwich, but chose to eat the filth instead...uh-huh), but maybe I'm reading to far into things here. I'll just vote 555 and be on my way, then.
Mark Scotti - April 29, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Bob!!
Jeff Reuben - April 30, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Good title sub, the song fit very well with the OS. Clever ending, I like that :)
Mark Scotti - April 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Daily special of thanks to you, Jeff!
Matthias - July 06, 2010 - Report this comment
Lost of food in this round! Still love this disgusting food parody, thankfully I never had this problem before with my lunch meat.
Mark Scotti - July 06, 2010 - Report this comment
A dose of Pepto Bismol and thanks to you, Matthias!!
Abbott Skelding - July 06, 2010 - Report this comment
ABC- Never been a Doors fan, I don't know why, but never worked for me. But this is an excellent spoof! 555 more helpings for you!
LadyRyeCakes - July 06, 2010 - Report this comment
Sir, I repeat: . . . " Can't help, Lovin' that Man on Rye " !
Mark Scotti - July 06, 2010 - Report this comment
Extra servings of thanks to Abbott & Lady...
Agrimorfee - July 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Hmm, the lyrics I found online say the 1st line of each verse ends with "baby", but Morrison seems to sing "babe" on the original recording (which makes much more sense pacing-and-rhyme-scheme-wise), so that confused me a bit. That aside, clever word subs popped up throughout, made me smile.
Mark Scotti - July 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Good catch, Agri. But I'm still glad to make you smile!
Christie Marie M - July 08, 2010 - Report this comment
(ABC K/L) I had bad experiences with lunch meat myself, since my mom gave me that ham sandwich every day for lunch during school. Every time I bite into it, the ham is very hard to chew as well. I had the feeling that it's not made out of real meat, but some processed material. But great parody as always, Mark! A 555 Blue Plate Special!
Mark Scotti - July 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Great taste of thanks to you, Christie!!
Guy - July 11, 2010 - Report this comment
ABC-KL

Please see my comments above. I missed this the first time I read it. It's about the finger and the mobster that got made. It would have been much more accurate if you used "slayed" instead of "made". In mob speak a "made" man is one who is formally inducted into the Family through a ceremony. Prospective members are called to a meeting. Through a ritual, they are then invited to join the Family. They are typically told the rules of the society, its history and hierarchy, and the general disciplinary measure for disobedience which is usually death. So though a made man can be hit, the term "made" is better described as in the description above.

The parody is still good as a re-read but the lunch meat got way worse.
Mark Scotti - July 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Great pickup, Guy. MUCH better with "slayed"!! Thanks.
Guy - July 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Mark - To me using "slayed" instead would allievate confusion to me but to others it probably didn't. As I said it got by me on the first read. Not everone working the mob is "made". In order to hit a "made" guy the hitter must first get permission from someone higher up the food chain before the "made" guy can become the hittee. "Made" guys must take the Omerta before they are sworn in and once being sworn in you are for life. The Omerta binds the wise guy to silence and if he breaks that vow of silence they break his face and he is silenced for good. So yes you could find a "made" guy's finger in your lunch meat, but something like slayed scans better for me. I still voted for you in the comps. I knew what you meant and I was only nit picking at the accuracy and I wanted to educate you on mob "ethics". Now that's an oxymoron if I have ever seen one.
Andria - July 16, 2010 - Report this comment
(ABC K & L) Already voted once before, just as tasty as ever, if not more so!
Mark Scotti - July 19, 2010 - Report this comment
To Guy, I'll keep my nose "straight" on the next one... Thanks, Andria!
bobpiecheese - July 25, 2010 - Report this comment
(ABC-KL) See above!
Below Average Dave - July 26, 2010 - Report this comment
see above
Mark Scotti - July 26, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks to bobpie & dave!

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