Song Parodies -> "I Am Robotnik"

Original Song Title:

"I Am the Walrus"

Original Performer:

"I Am Robotnik"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

For our second bonus parody of "Sonic the Hedgehog Month", we take a look at the hammiest villain ever: Dr. Ivo Robotnik, aka "Dr. Eggman". I can't believe nobody's thought of this one before. Anyways, enjoy the parody!

I am he, and you’re not free, and you’re not me,
And you will die together!
See hedgehogs run, that just isn’t fun, I’ll watch them die,
I’m trying!

Building all my robots,
Waiting for the day to come.
Get the Chaos Emeralds, stupid bonus stages,[1]
Ooh, I’ve been a naughty boy, I’m changing right to wrong!

I am the Eggman,
You’re not the Eggman!
I am Robotnik,
Lapsang souchong![2]

Mister Sonic Hedgehog running,
Stupid little hedgehog in my lair!
See how he runs like Janie with a gun, I’ll watch him die![3]
I’m trying, I’m trying,
I’m trying, I’m trying!

Orange two-tailed fox kit,
Following that darn hedgehog!
Spelling checker fist fight, geographic heroes,[4]
You two have been pesky ones, you cut my robots down!

I am the Eggman,
You’re not the Eggman!
I am Robotnik,
Lapsang souchong!

Sitting in my Mobius fortress, making master plans.
If my plans don’t work, I have a fit from watching that darn hedgehog run!

I am the Eggman,
(Now stand aside, worthy adversary!)
You’re not the Eggman!
(‘Tis but a scratch!)
I am Robotnik,
(A scratch!? Your arm’s off!)
Lapsang souchong!
Lapsang souchong!

Expect connect, cloaking poker,
Don’t you think I’ll broker deals with him!
(ho ho ho, hee hee hee, ha ha ha)
See how he smiles, I will make him cry,
I hate Blue Guy,
I’m trying!

Concertina pilfered,[5]
Rounding ‘bout my evil fortress!
Holmes and Watson can’t win with their bad deductions,
Man, you should see me kicking David Allan Coe!

I am the Eggman,
You’re not the Eggman!
I am Robotnik,
Lapsang souchong!
Lapsang souchong!

Lapsang souchong!
Lapsang souchong!
Lapsang lapsang,
Souchong souchong,
Souchong souchong,
Souchong souchong,
Souchong souchong!

Hedgehog, hedgehog, go choke on a bedknob!
Leave the Emeralds alone!
Leave the Emeralds alone…

[spoken]:
Stop! What is your name?
It is Arthur, King of the Britons!
What is your quest?
To seek the Holy Grail!
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
What do you mean, an African Swallow or a European Swallow?
WHAT!? I don’t know that!
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOTES:

1-Refers to the challenging Special Stages where players have to complete some task or other to get a Chaos Emerald.
2-In the cartoon "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog", Robotnik (played by the late Long John Baldry) once mentioned how he enjoyed lapsang souchong tea.
3-Refers to the Aerosmith song "Janie's Got a Gun".
4-This was the best riposte I could come up with for "crabalocker fishwife".
5-"Concertina" refers to a type of barbed wire.

Copyright 2020 by Dylan Baranski GmbH S.p.A. Inc. Misuse is punishable by waiting for a van that never comes.

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Trope o' Sphere - June 12, 2020 - Report this comment

Don't understand why this clever mashup of cultural totems ain't getting more votems.

Dylan Baranski - June 12, 2020 - Report this comment

I know, right? I've been submitting parodies here ever since September 20, 2006, and I figured this would get more interest.

CML - June 14, 2020 - Report this comment

One possible explanation is that the intersection of people who are really familiar with the lyrics of the OS (old farts) and people who understand the subject matter (people without age related flatulence issues) is pretty small. I know Walrus but never heard of Robotnik

CML - June 14, 2020 - Report this comment

Recognize the name of Elton John's mentor, Long John Baldry. Had one great song, "Dont Try To Lay No Boogie Woogie On the King of Rock and Roll" which features one of the greatest rock snd roll piano pieces ever recorded, and I aint hardly boo-shyeting. ......If I recall the piano player was named Reginald Dwight. Whatever happened to him; kid had talent ;-D

Dylan Baranski - June 14, 2020 - Report this comment

Yeah...I WONDER?

Agrimorfee - June 15, 2020 - Report this comment

Good stuff Dylan, although I wish you had stayed on point with the Sonic topic instead of getting random as the song progressed. Even though the whole thing was funny. I havent read a decent parody here with a song I know with a topic I am *familiar* with in awhile, so thank you for that.

Dylan Baranski - June 16, 2020 - Report this comment

Thank you, Agrimorfee. To be fair, the OS was randomly wacky in its own way.

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